Marley and My Tears

Yesterday night, we went to watch the new Jennifer Aniston and Owen Wilson movie, 'Marley & Me'. It was adapted from a book, and is about a couple adopting a very badly behaved dog that in turn taught them important values in life.

There were so many people who wanted to watch it yesterday. Like, insane amounts.. There were even people in the front rows. I felt so lucky to be cramping my neck in row 4 instead. Ha! Those row 1 suckers. Jen An better be grateful I'm sacrificing my neck for her.

The movie beings with Owen Wilson telling us how the story of Marley started. Flashback to years ago, on the day he got married to Jen An. Two forty-year-olds acting like two twenty-year-olds, but amazingly, Jen An actually looked the part. I really missed seeing her on the big screen. In fact, I think this is the first time I'm seeing her in the cinema, seeing how 'Friends' was on TV.

Owen gave Jen a yellow labrador puppy as a present, but they couldn't have chosen a worse one. Marley is completely out of control, wrecks havoc on their furniture, humps anything that moves (or doesn't move) and whines when he's left alone. The poor couple struggles hard to keep him tame, but to spectacular failure. But slowly and surely, Marley integrated himself as part of their chaotic lives, and the couple comes to enjoy his intefering, neurotic prescence.

The movie takes a darker turn after Jen got pregnant with her first baby, which turned out to be a still born. The emo-ness begins as Jen breaks down crying, hugging Marley's head. Marley, like other dogs, seem to have the ability to sense when their owners are sad, and will calm down sufficiently to provide an emotional support.

Jen eventually has another 2 babies, healthy boys this time. The exhaution of taking care of the 2 boys overwhelms her, and the tone of the movie gets really really serious and real. It gets worse when Marley eventually got too old, and had to be put to sleep. The entire cinema was sniffing as the beloved dog slowly slipped away, including myself. This is officially the first movie to make me cry. The entire time when Marley was dying, I was reminded of my own pet beagle. It wasn't made much better when the son said that when beagles die, they go away to do it.

I shed my first tear when Owen and Marley was at the vet, and Owen was desperately trying to convince the vet that Marley wasn't like other dogs and that he would pull through. The transparency that he was actually trying to convince himself made the scene excruciatingly painful. The saddest part was probably when the vet injected Marley to make him die. It was like she was pushing the needle into my own heart instead. Slowly, deliberately, irrecovably. I never cried so hard at a movie in my life, and probably never will. I've watched so many movies with people dying, but somehow I care less about them than I care about a dog. Probably because a dog is always pure, innocent and loving, while people are usually selfish and superficial.

"Marley taught me about living each day with unbridled exuberance and joy, about seizing the moment and following your heart. He taught me to appreciate the simple things- a walk in the woods, a fresh snowfall, a nap in a shaft of winter sunlight. And as he grew old and achy, he taught me about optimism in the face of adversity. Mostly, he taught me about friendship and selflessness and, above all else, unwavering loyalty."

John Grogan is a genius!

Is American Idol seriously still trying to pretend..?

What a coincidence. The three contestants that got the highest praise all got through to the next round. That makes Adam Lambert, Kris Allen and Allison Iraheta part of the top 12. Totally unsurprising, seeing how they're the top 3 that I predicted will make it through. Either I'm starting to uncover some psychic talents, or American Idol has just proven itself to be completely fake once again. Since the former is pretty impossible, our conclusion is that the AI producers have stuck again.

Not that I'm not grateful. If left to the forces of people who always magically vote for the wrong people ('Bush' ring any bells?), Nick the Joker might actually go far. Thankfully, the producers did the right thing and kicked him out before he could ruin another classic. I thought 'Hero' was sufficiently mangled by Danny, I don't need to hear another wannabe-diva try to take on 'Vision of Love'. Oh wait. That already happened. I had quite high hopes for Jeanine, but she totally screwed up and still tried to plead by saying she's the oldest contestant there. Doesn't she know America doesn't buy that? Just ask McCain.

And the top 3 for this week:

Adam Lambert

Allison Iraheta

Kris Allen

David Archuleta is really coming to Singapore!!

David's guitarist, Jeff, has officially confirmed the dates of David Archuleta's Asia tour! He confirmed the stops and dates will be as follows:

1. Philippines on 2-4 April

2. Hong Kong on 5-6 April

3. Singapore on 7-? April

4. Kuala Lumpur (Malaysia!) on April 10th.

This is freaking unbelievable!! I may finally get to see someone worth seeing. So excited!

It's Official: Adam Lambert is Amazing

It's lucky Adam was so fantastic tonight on American Idol, or it would have been a very angry boy sitting here writing this now. Two hours of sitting though performances ranging from average (Megan's 'Put Your Record On') to the horrific (Nick/Norman's 'And I Am Telling You'), and I finally get to see the one I like. Adam has been given the coveted last spot (Danny 'My Wife Will Win This For Me' Gokey got the spot last week and got through), and so I had to endure all that bullshit before it came to him.

For this week, AI very intelligently scrapped the nonsense 'Interview with the parent' segment. It made the whole flow of the show, already slowed down by 4 judges (including an incoherent Paula), very awkward and tiresome. They've also tried to make it less predictable by (for the first time ever) having judges other than Randy begin the critique. It's obvious what the formula is (Randy first, then Kara, then Paula, then Simon, then repeat), but at least they're trying.

The more memorable ones this week include Kris Allen (sounds like a good name for a car brand), Nick/Norman (only because he ruined one of my favourite songs) and of course, Adam Lambert.

Adam sang a very original and upbeat version of Rolling Stone's 'Satisfaction', to very enthusiastic response from the judges. As usual, Simon was lukewarm (probably because he's jealous of the attention Adam's getting from Paula) while the others are more generous with their heaping of praise. Kara was very amazed by how wide his vocal range is; from river deep to mountain high (reference to song title is not intended), Paula was speechless (as usual) and Randy thinks he's a cross between Steven Tyler meets Fall Out Boy meets Robert Pattinson meets My Chemical Romance. I don't like Fall Out Boy and MCR, so I didn't really like that accessment. But whatever. He meant it as a compliment.

Ooh and Adam's a fan of the Twilight books. I would think it's chick lit, but since I already devoured the series, I won't talk.

I really really hope that wannabe comedian Nick/Norman doesn't make it though. The antics are not that interesting anymore, more like bordering on desperate. It's getting extremely irritating to see one of our favorites perform on the same stage as some flashy joker who doesn't take this seriously at all. Maybe Simon didn't speak on behalf of the entire America, but he definitely took the words right out of my mouth when he said 'I pray you do not go through to the next round."

My prediction for the top 3: Adam Lambert, Kris Allen and Allison Iraheta I initially thought Jasmine Murray might have a chance, but seeing how they heartlessly kicked out so many early favourites last week, I'm thinking Allison would have a better chance. Jasmine totally screwed herself up with Sara Bareilles' Love Song', while Allison drew comparisons to Kelly Clarkson with her rendition of Heart's 'Alone.'

To watch Adam Lambert, Kris Allen and Allison Iraheta singing tonight, click on the appropriate links.

Go Adam!

When Dining Becomes A Tactical Assault

To celebrate Damian's 18th birthday, we went to this restaurant at VivoCity to have dinner. It was such a quaint and cute little place. It's called Marche (French word for 'market'), and is located at the roof of Vivo. The place is designed like one of those olden days villages you would find in medieval France (as it turns out, it's meant to be Swiss) or the Shire, and if you look really really closely, you could almost see the Hobbits wandering around the place. Step into the restaurant (which took around 15 minutes thanks to the queue) and it's like you're transported back in time, to the era where love and valor still meant something.

A little bit of that feeling disappeared when I saw that they charge $5.20 for a glass of squeezed juice. Surely it doesn't cost that much back then, unless the oranges are plucked from the king's garden and watered with the tears of the compassionate and beautiful queen or something.

Our little wooden table was by a rock cliff, which gave the feeling that we were having dinner in Heidi's backyard. The entire place was buzzing with the atmosphere and urgency of a marketplace (imagine a clean, flowery one, not that kind of gross smelly wet markets), and it didn't feel right just sitting there while others are getting food. That's right, you have to get your own food in Marche. The stalls are in the middle, and you get your own card thing and go around ordering, charging them to your card. At the end of it, you'll surrender your card (and your cash) to pay.

Joanne, who came before (but couldn't be there 'cause she wasn't feeling well), told us that if we didn't try the rosti (around $13 a plate), we should go hang ourselves for missing out such a joy of life. She didn't exactly put it like that, but it was the feeling I got when Damian so enthusiastically urged me to go get the rosti. We both got it (which turned out to be mistake number 1), mine was rosti with chicken cheese sausage, his was with smoked salmon. Rosti's basically fried potato strips, served with cream cheese. It was like nibbling on chunks of heaven, but after a while when I realized I was eating such a gigantic plate of potato, the magic disappeared and it just became like eating carbs. It got harder and harder to put the spoon in my mouth each time when I'm reminded of how much fatter I'm going to become. (And stop thinking that I'm not fat!)

It turned out to be a mistake to have gotten the same thing, 'cause we didn't realise how much eating at Marche was like being on Survivor. You have to outwit, outplay and outlast. What we should have done was to get different types of food (there's pasta, savory or sweet crepe, rosti, etc) and share. In that way, we can get to try more stuff. We also shouldn't have succumbed to getting their magic juice that cost as much as the cake, when we had mineral water in our bags. Also, only get one slice of desert (cause it's a really gigantic piece) to share, and one small salad bowl. Simply pile on lots and lots of stuff into the minuscule bowl while ignoring the reproachful glare of the lady behind the counter.

The most important thing is to hold on to your table for as long as you can. You spent so much time getting a table, it's only right you use it for as long as possible. Damian doesn't trust them enough to leave his bag at the table (and he subsequently left his phone there without knowing), so he brings it along when we go hunting for food. The very eager waitress around our table probably asked us around 3 times whether we're ready to leave. I find her enthusiasm to get us out highly irritating. We later only dared to leave the table when she was no where in sight, then rushing out before she could get to us.

They're very clever in coming up with the card system, so you forget how much you have already spent. So always be very clear of how much you have spent. If you're still hungry and over budget, you can always get chunks of bread for seventy cents each. If you're going with your friends and preparing to share the cost, you can choose to use one card to pay for everything, then dividing the balance.

It's really a beautiful place to eat. The prices are a bit steep, but the atmosphere and ambiance of the place is wonderful. It feels very Europe-y with its bare wood decor. A nice place to celebrate stuff, but remember to strategize, or risk losing out to the ever-eager-to-banish-you waitress.

Aura of Christina

I mentioned in a previous post that Aura of Christina sounds like a good song title, so I wrote a short poem on it. There are 9 references to her, see if you can spot them =)

Way from back in the day
When you told me love will find a way
With your beautiful singing I was amazed
And I swore one day I'll see your face

I never imagined I would get chance
Of your face I'll catch a glance
On your tour Singapore was one of the stops
I see promotional posters in all the shops

The day finally came when you touched down in Changi
The moment I woke up I started feeling funny
Of your closeness my heart was the indicator
It knows of you there ain't no other

But alas, your show, I was unable to attend
Watched your shows on YouTube but was unable to pretend
I feel your presence in the atmosphere
You're in the stadium but I still feel you near

When the show's over and you were on your way
I realized you couldn't be here to stay
I wanted to tell you, slow down baby
But 'Impossible' was your reply to me

I need someone to save me from myself
Your departure has affected my mental health
Falsas esperranzas I had clutched tightly in my hands
But now you're gone and I just don't understand

My Goddess

Our Oprah, who art in Harpo Studios,
hallowed be thy name of Winfrey;
thy kingdom come;
thy will be done of Hollywood as it is in Harpo.
Give us this day our daily quotes;
and forgive us our beliefs in entertainment gossip
as we forgive those who call us fat;
and lead us not into the temptation of cream
but deliver us from the evil of consuming too much carbs.
Opramen

If there's one thing I wish will come true...

Okay, I just received the most incredibly amazing news!! 'Anonymous' posted a comment on my previous post, and told me that David would be touring in Asia in April! (Asia in April sounds like a good song name too. Woo I am on a roll today!) I checked out the news, and found out that David's guitarist actually confirmed that David would be touring in Asia, but didn't say the exact countries. I'm really praying (although I'm not a believer, but whatever) that he would make a stop in Singapore. Those front row seats are mine!! And if he only goes to Malaysia, like Celine, I will seriously die.

FOD interviewed David Archuleta’s guitarist Mike Krompass and right at the end of the interview he mentions going with David to Asia from April 2nd - April 14th! Unfortunately, Mike didn’t say where in Asia but I’m guessing Japan, Singapore, Philippines, and Malaysia for sure.

Please please please oh my Oprah (I've decided that if anyone has come close to being a Goddess it's her) please.

Get your ass down to Singapore!!

He's a little too not over YOU

I just realized the amazing tactics of David Archuleta's album's writers. Almost all the songs are addressed to "you", to make you unconsciously more attached to the song. Let's do a lyric analysis:

Crush:
Do YOU ever think / When we're all alone / All that we can be / Where this thing could go

Touch My Hand:
Tryna' reach out to YOU / Touch my hand

My Hands:
If everything would stop / I'd listen for YOUr heart

A Little Too Not Over You:
(self-explanatory)

You Can:
(again, self-explanatory)

Running:
I'm not gonna stop runnin' / Cause without YOU / I've got nothin'

Desperate:
YOU want somebody / Just anybody / To lay their hands on YOUr soul tonight

To Be With You:
(do I really have to explain this?)

Don't Let Go:
I know that look in YOUr eyes / I don't wanna say goodnight

Your Eyes Don't Lie:
(it's really amazing, isn't it?)

Genius tactic they're using.

(Note to self: write songs addressed to YOU when I become a recording artist.)

McFly + David Archuleta = Totally Amazing Show That I Can't Go

I can't stand this torture any more... It's like no one I like ever comes to Singapore on their tours. Christina Aguilera came last-last year, but due to unforeseen circumstances (involving a lost iPod and a search around NTU's library), we were unable to attend. Imagine my utter disappointment! I could actually feel the aura of Christina ("Aura of Christina" sounds like a good name for a song) on the one and only day she set foot here. To think I was within 36km radius of Christina but was unable to see her...

And now all those good ones (read: ones that I like) are embarking on tours and since Singapore is so small that I doubt they know of its existence, none of them are coming here. Duffy, Jason Mraz and Coldplay is, but seeing how my heart rate did not increase when I think of that, I take it as an indicator that i don't really want to go. The only Duffy song I know is Mercy, Jason's is all sold out, and I don't like the word 'Coldplay'. So yeah.. no loses there.

But Britney Spears, David Archuleta, McFly and Jesse McCartney (and for a short moment Mariah, before she canceled her tour to work on her new album) are now going on tours, and I can't go to a single one. Not unless I live in New York and Times Square is within walking distance. Now comes the ultimatum: David Archuleta is going to be appearing as a special guest on McFly's tour in Britian. This is seriously designed to antagonize me. I can't go to a single show and now they appear together.

From McFly’s MySpace Blog: ‘ Friday, February 13, 2009

“We are pleased to announce that David Archuleta (American Idol Runner up) will be the Special Guest on our new Up Close and This Time Its Personal Tour. The tour will be great - we can’t wait for opening night!”

Gee.. Can't wait either...

Current Favorite to Win: Adam Lambert

This year's American Idol doesn't seem to have many people that I like. Mostly, it's made up of the sob-story cases and the woe-is-me characters. The only person I like now is Adam Lambert, professional musical-theater actor. He was on the cast of Wicked (never heard of it but it sounds like a play I would love) and Ten Commandments, among others.

Here you can watch a clip of him doing a fantastic version of 'Is Anybody Listening' in the Ten Commandments play.

The Mystery of Tatiana

Crowned "Most talked about contestant on American Idol" by Paula Abdul, Tatiana Del Toro amazingly makes it past Hollywood week, a feat even early favorite Michael Castro couldn't beat. Just how did this crazy giggling 24 year old girl make it so far?

I've long worked out that American Idol doesn't operate based on how good a person's voice is, or even how many votes he or she has gathered. It's the Land of TV and Evil Producers, and apparently, all they care about is viewership. Gasp! What a crazy and unorthodox idea to think that producers only want people to watch their shows and care nothing about how real 'reality' TV is.

And if you believe that, you probably deserve to be fooled.

That's right, kids.. In the land of TV, everything is scripted, nothing is left to chance, and each and everyone plays a part in making the program attractive to viewers. Sounds harmless enough, but not when Jamar, the obviously more talented singer, is left out of the top 36 while joker-with-moderately-good-voice Nick (Norman Gentle) is chosen. But let's not digress here. We were talking about Tatiana.

Since day 1, dear old Tati has been laying down the foundations (not talking about makeup, but damn this girl can pile on layers like there's no tomorrow) for her very dramatic and wild ride through American Idol. She dresses like a hooker, giggles like a maniac, but amazingly, sings like someone who can sing. The judges put her through (to my amazement), and onward she goes to Hollywood rounds, all the while giggling nonstop.

She further confirms my suspicions that she's not all there (in the brain department) during the extremely entertaining Group Day. She changes groups like Sanjaya changes hairstyles, ensures her groupmates of her 200% dedication with a dead serious expression and refuses to be associated with her group member that says 'we're all tired and we want to rest'. Tatiana NEEDS to let the world know that she's in it to win it and that she would gladly kill her own grandmother for the American Idol crown. She obviously didn't say it, but somehow you could just feel the 'crazy' lurking beneath that innocent facade.

Most amazing of all is that she actually made it all the way to the top 36. The producers probably wanted her to be the entertainment factor of this year's American Idol, along with the obviously bi-polar Nick/Norman. But if they were expecting a crazy Tatiana for the top 36 performance, the producers were going to be majorly disappointed.

The Tatiana who walked onto stage on Wednesday was a completely different woman. Singing 'Saving All My Love For You', the new 'demure' Tatiana did a very reserved version of it, which wasn't half bad. I was expecting her to completely destroy it. She can hit the falsetto notes much better than Jasmine Trias (on season 3), but her belting was flawed. The judges liked her performance, but was surprised by how different she was now. It was painfully obvious that they were trying to get Crazy-Tatiana to come out again, or else the producers would have made a completely wrong decision in putting her in the top 36.

The calm Tatiana totally threw them off balance, and the judges began imitating how she laughed, trying to provoke her into doing it. But Tatiana now denies all her craziness, saying that her friends were shocked that she acted like that on American Idol. She also claims that her 'friends' (Damian's theory was that her friends are imaginary) said that she has never laughed like that in her life. Good one for provoking the producers, but a bad tatic if she wants to remain in AI. They're obviously only putting her there for entertainment, and now it looks as if they're not going to get any from her.

Frankly speaking, the calm Tatiana scares me more than the crazy one. At least when she's crazy, you know that she's being herself and you can just brand her as a weirdo and move on. When she's demure, however, you get so nervous watching her every move, anticipating the moment she finally cracks under the pressure and loses it. (Damian, for one, was afraid she would pull a revolver from her flowery dress and kill Simon with it while screaming "THIS CRAZY ENOUGH FOR YOU?!") The calm before the storm turns out much more frightening than the storm itself. I'm still puzzled over which is the real Tatiana. The crazy laughing girl or demure lady?

True enough, as soon as she lost her crazy image, the producers pulled the plug on her Idol journey, and Tatiana is officially out of the running for American Idol. The ones who did get through are Danny Gokey (dead wife story makes another appearance), Alexis Grace (young single mother about to wed) and Michael Sarver (oil rig guy).

There's still one more chance for Tatiana to make it through. In the Wildcard round, the judges (read: producers) would choose 3 from the 27 fallen and put them through to make up the top 12. Would Tatiana unveil the craziness in her to make it through? I can hardly wait to find out =) If she makes it through, she would be fulfilling a prophecy made by her fortune teller friend. How exciting!

Experience some of the insanity here:

Skating Through Valentine's Day

For once in my life, I felt like I really needed a break on Valentine's Day.

For the past week, I've been living the life of a madman, rushing about to meet various deadlines for the V-Day event. All Interact Club Excos have to organize an event of some sort, and for some reason mine was the fund raising for the MINDS home. We decided to sell real roses and bags of sweets during Valentine's Day, and what a nightmare that was. I practically slept at like 12 plus every night rushing the proposal, order forms, collection and wrapping of roses and sweets, etc etc. Worse of all, if anything went wrong, my head is the one on the line. It was such a torture.. Thankfully, the sales were better than I expected (which was none), and we managed to sell off more than a hundred roses.

So after that crazy hectic week, I decided that I needed a well deserved break, and joined the class (should I call them the 'class' if there's only 7?) for ice skating at Kallang. There used to be one at the Jurong Entertainment Centre, but the idiots closed that place down. So now we had to travel 45 minutes just for an ice rink. Those bastards.

It was around $18.50 each ($14.50 for 2 hours, plus skates and gloves that were undoubtly designed by someone color-blind). I very nervously put on my skates, while praying hard on the inside that when I fell, it would be a glamourous and graceful one. I tied up the laces and stood up shakily. I realized that I was the fastest to put on my skates and shakily sat down again, not wanting to appear too enthusiastic about it in case I was the first to fall and end my life.

As it turns out, I could ice-skate. Surprise!

I didn't know it at first. It was terrifying to step onto something so shiny and slippery wearing a thin blade on your feet. All my life-preservation instincts were telling me to pull those ugly skates off and throw them at whoever came up with the idea of skating, while running away screaming. I fought those insticts, however, and gingerly stepped onto the ice. My hands automatically reached for the barrier at the side. All eight of us 17 to 18 year olds were clinging on desperately for our lives on the side, while a 5 year old boy whizzes past. I felt like reaching out to trip that little showoff, but was afraid I would die if I let go of the barrier.

I finally gathered up the courage (more like the $18.50 I spent coming back to scream: You paid the money, now get the hell out there) to take a step out on to the ice. To my amazement, I didn't tumble down, break my leg and have my fingers chopped off by a passing skater's blade. I found out that I could actually skate quite comfortably on the ice, and that it was quite similiar to roller-blading. Ta-dah! Mystery solved. As it turns out, if you could roller blade, you could ice skate. How convinient to skip a very long and ardous road learning to ice-skate.

In 10 minutes I was gliding around the ice to the music of Celine Dion, Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey. Those workers definitely had taste. I was living my 'Cutting Edge' moment. It was as if I was in Ontario, with Moira Kelly was skating alongside me and the icy cool breeze tickling my hair.

Then I returned to the very unglamorous reality of Kallang, and realised it was Chieh Suan I was skating alongside. I spent the next half and hour excorting people ( people that I know, obviously) across the region that didn't have the barrier to hold on to. Tai and CS got better after a while, and got confident (or silly) enough to hold on to each other.

I felt so lucky to have learnt how to rollerblade all those years ago. Never thought it would extend to ice-skating. If I hadn't learnt, I could be the one that slapped a few people on the way down, like Kiat Wah did. I almost fell while holding on to Chieh Suan. Chieh Suan almost tripped, but he grabbed Kiat Wah's shirt and yanked him back, and I grabbed his arm and somehow twisted him back up. The miraculous thing was that none of us fell. The three of us struggled for very long on the ice (but still not as long as the guy I saw that was waving his arms about and jumping up and down for 5 seconds. He must have broken some world record for 'Longest Time Spent Struggling To Regain Balance'), doing some sort of weird wobbling and still managed to ragain our balance. We definitely deserve a medal for that.

I'm so happy to discover that I had a hidden talent I never knew existed in me. Next up, I shall be attempting to do the backwards swizzle before moving on to the triple axle, which would be when I make my first visit to the ICU. Wish me luck!

Kawasaki Rose

I finally did it! I'm now officially a master of the Kawasaki Rose, the most beautiful origami rose out there. It was invented by Toshikazu Kawasaki, a Japanese (obviously) origami theorist. I initially didn't know there was such things as origami theorists. Apparantly they come up with mathematical theories.

Some things he did: He was the very first one to develop the technique of iso-area folding, which allows the folder to end up with each side of the paper displayed in equal amounts. (Don't know what that means.) He also discovered and proved that with any given flat point in an origami model, the sum of alternating angles is always equal to 180 degrees. (Don't know what that means either.)

The rose looks like this:


Beautiful isn't it? With it's beauty comes a price: an hour of creasing and un-creasing, plenty of swearing, plenty of valley folds and mountain folds, plenty of twisting here and there, plenty of paper wasted. But it was all worth it (I hope the tree Gods don't judge me) when I finally got the final product out. I was not able to take a photo of mine and post it up, cause my current phone's camera doesn't work. It basically looks like the one above, just that I tore a teeny little bit on one of the roses (which was where the swearing came in).

Maybe I shall sell that for my Valentine's Day event.. Heh..

It's been confirmed: 35 year old men throw bitch fits too

"No! Don't just be sorry. Think for one fucking second. What the fuck are you DOING ? Are you professional or not?!"

Sounds like the rant of a crazy diva bitch. But in fact, this was part of a three minute tirade Christian Bale threw at the director of photography of the new Terminator movie, Shane Hurlbut. Apparantly, Shane stepped into his line of sight during filming, and Christian completely flips out.

Christian Bale is famous for portraying Batman in the latest 2 Batman films. If Heath was still alive, he probably would have asked him, "why so serious?"

"Am I going to walk around and rip your fucking lights down, in the middle of a scene? Then why the fuck are you walking right through? Ah da da dah, like this in the background. What the fuck is it with you? What don't you fucking understand?"

Poor Shane. It must be very traumatising to have Batman/John Connor/Leader of the Resistance verbally abuse you like a worthless piece of shit. When Christian demanded why he had to walk through the scene, Shane replied: "I was looking at the light." Silly Shane. Doesn't he know psychos can't be reasoned with? You try to talk reason with a nutcase, he'll probably reply with something like:

"Ohhhhh, goooood for you. And how was it? I hope it was fucking good, because it's useless now, isn't it?"

Which, coincidentally, really was what he replied. The drama goes on...

"It's the second time that he doesn't give a fuck about what is going on in front of the camera, alright? I'm trying to fucking do a scene here, and I am going "Why the fuck is Shane walking in there? What is he doing there?" Do you understand my mind is not in the scene if you're doing that?"

It's quite apparant that Christian is mentally unsound. The previous time he came under media scrutiny for his dramatic nature was when he was sued for verbally abusing his mother and sister. I wonder how that went down.

"Fucking hell, mom! I said I don't want any fucking peas in my soup. Are you a professional or what? I'm trying to have a meal here, for fuck's sake!"

He denied the allegations (of course he did, who would admit they talk like that to their mothers), but it's quite obvious now if he really did it or not. The guy who kept the audio recorded on during the rant deserves an oscar, at the very least. I wonder if he's being verbally assaulted by him now.

Shane (the poor silly guy) continues to try and explain, but was rewarded with:

"I'm going to go…Do you want me to fucking go trash your lights? DO YOU WANT ME TO FUCKING TRASH YOURs? Then why are you trashing my scene? You do it one more fucking time and I ain't walking on this set if you're still hired. I'm fucking serious. You're a nice guy. You're a nice guy, but that don't fucking cut it when you're fuck and fucking around like this on set."

It's alright, kids. Shane didn't lose his job. Batman didn't win this time.

Probably the most amazing thing about all this is how Bale, a welsh, is using an American accent throughout his rant. He's keeping in character even when nuts. So has he really lost sight of who he really is, or is he simply keeping in character and venting the character's anger?

"Fuck" count - 41 times in 3 minutes.

As Sharpay once scoffed: "Entertainers are sooo temperamental." Soooo true.

Listen to Christian lose his mind here:

First Vanity Fair, now this.. Just how low can Miley go?

No, silly Miley dear... It's not alright even when there's an Asian in the picture. What do you mean that's not fair? Stop that stamping right now, young lady!

Disney's reigning queen-of-the-non-singers Miley Cyrus was forced to defend herself against accusations that she's racist towards the Chinese after a photo of her doing the very unoriginal 'slanty-eye' pose surfaces. "I'm not racist", the girl says. "I'm just goofy." Right. And Blacks were enslaved in America before Lincoln came along because all those Whites were just goofing off. Ha ha ha. So funny.

The amazing thing about Miley is how shockingly fake she is. I mean, it's no surprise her apparant singing and acting ability is fake , but the fact that she could look into the eyes of her adorable little tween fans and lie through her teeth is just incredible. Applaudable, even. Bravo to Disney. You guys should have fired her when her nude Vanity Fair pictures came out. Now look at what the epitome of idiocy has done again.

The Organisation of Chinese Americans (OCA) are calling it "offensive" and "a lapse in judgement". I call it the reveal of the idiot girl within.

"Not only have Miley Cyrus and the other individuals in the photograph encouraged and legitimised the taunting and mocking of people of Asian descent, she has also insulted her many Asian Pacific American fans," it said. I say, don't worry, OCA! I doubt many 7 year olds understand the slur.

Some are saying that it's alright because there's an Asian in the photo. On the other hand, I find it even more offensive because of that. Notice how none of them are doing it INFRONT of him? The poor guy innocently looks into the camera while his 'friends' are making racist gestures directed at him.

Disney must be feeling really stupid now.Their postergirl for squeaky clean image has just gone ahead and delivered the ultimate blow to her career. At least her 25mil can keep her and her toyboy well fed for a while if she loses her job.

You know the name... Now know the face

You've heard of their names, but what do they really look like? Now we have an answer!

First up is Jasmine Murray, the only survivor of Bikini Girl's group. She was really owes Katrina a lot. She seemed like Aretha Franklin beside Bikini Girl's Miley. One of my favourites. She'll probably make it through to the top 36.


Next, we have Scott McEntire. No, he's not staring at Paula's boobs. He's the blind guy that Ryan tried to hi-five. Surprisingly, the show didn't show a single frame of him at all during the Hollywood rounds. Maybe they didn't want to seem mean for making him learn a routine.


One of my favourites this year - Adam Lambert. Plenty of attitude and screaming (in a good way, not in the Nancy "why are you sitting here on your ass" way). My bold and daring prediction is that he would enter the top 36. After all, he already had a wink from Kara during his first audition. What else is as sure a shot at that?


Up next is Michael Castro, one of those I predict will enter the top 36, just because he's Jason's brother. The producers want to do stuff to attract people, and having an alumna's sibling in the show definitely would make me want to watch. I'm obsessed with the hair that seems to change color every time I see it. It was black last year, pink when he auditioned, and green during Hollywood week. I wonder if he would stay on long enough to go through all the colors of the rainbow.


Presenting next exhibit, we have Danny Gokey, also known affectionately as Dead Wife Guy. His voice is that kind of rocker-rough (yea, it sounds like I'm discussing paint color) that I'm not so into. But lucky for the mourner, the judges seem to like it. Or are the ones who truly like it the evil producers...?


This is Rose Flack, the poor girl who was so pissed off with Katrina in Hollywood week. She ultimately got cut herself, which was something I was expecting to happen, since her first round auditions weren't very good.


Next up is Lil Rounds. I know... what kind of name is Lil? Kind of like one of those very rare names rappers like to have. Lil Wayne, Lil Bow Wow, Lil Jon, Lil Mama, Lil Kim, Lil Scrappy... Seriously, I can't think of any. This girl has a serious set of pipes, and can belt like the next guy can butcher a song.


Presenting our final exhibit, Von Smith. He was so loud and animated that he made Nancy seem like a tame kitty. And no, he wasn't getting a bikini wax. Watch this if you dare! Not for the faint hearted.


And there you have it! The notable ones (whether for good for bad reasons) of American Idol. I was really disappointed I couldn't find a picture of the crazy laughing spanish girl. I promise I'll try harder =)

The facade is off and the claws are on!

It's finally Hollywood Week on American Idol! It's one of my favorite segments on the show. The really horrid are already filtered out (with the exception of Bikini Girl) and now it's up to the good ones (again, with the exception of Bikini Girl) to battle it out on a real stage. They would be first doing a solo audition, followed by a group one the next day.

Hollywood Week Day 1: Solo Auditions

As excited as I was to settle down on my massage chair (setting: stiff shoulders) to watch the Hollywood rounds, something just doesn't feel right this year. The pace is maddeningly fast, with auditions flashing by quicker than you can say "oh I think I recognize that one". Usually it comes out as "Hey! That guy! I know.. Oh you missed it. Hey, I know that girl, she's ... Oh never mind, missed it again." It's like they're squeezing so much into so little time. The ones that they focused on initially, such as Jason Castro's brother, Michael Castro, barely received any screen time. In fact, I think he got around 0.3s as they showed his smiling face (indicating that he got through). Other previous sob story cases such as the girl who took care of her grandma got cut as fast as a kiss scene on a Disney movie.

The one I was waiting most anxiously for was Bikini Girl. Kara told her to come naked this time, but she didn't heed her favorite judge's advice. She came in some sort of a trash bag, and sang Faith Hill's Breathe. "Cause I can hear you breathe.." Appropraite song choice, seeing how Bikini Girl sings though her nose. She did her signature annoying-nasally-run at the end, which really set Kara off. Kara tried again to get her off the show, proclaiming that her voice got thin at the end. Simon and Randy, as usual, were mesmerized by the bitch and she got through to the next round. Seriously. if she goes any furthur than this, I'm going to have to start weaning off American Idol addiction.

I always thought that the crazy ones would be filtered out in the first rounds. How wrong I turned out to be. After Dennis got cut, he started shouting threats at the judges and called Simon a cheapo who wears cheap jeans and ugly tee shirts. He also has really crazy eyes that whirl around, well, crazily. It's like he was going to crawl out of the TV screen and claw at me. I was seriously afraid to look straight into the screen for a moment. Of course, as usual, American Idol turns into the 'most stupid show in the world' after a person gets cut, and Crazy-Eyed Dennis feels the need to tell the world.

Notable ones who did get through include: Crazy laughing spanish girl Tatiana , inspiring school president Austin, blind guy Scott, Wife-mourner Danny and wife-mourner Danny's friend Jamar.

Hollywood Week Day 2: Group Auditions

This is where the drama begins. The remaining contestants are told to group themselves into groups of 3 to 4, and they would rehearse a aong and perform it the following day.

This episode focused A LOT on crazy laughing girl Tatiana and the drama of her group. The minute her group let her in, they regretted. As one of them very accurately put, 'She's psycho!". Tatiana laughs like a maniac and acts like one too. She immediately took charge when they got together. "Okay, it's 11 pm now. We'll practice 'till 1.20pm and then go to bed. The others look at her like she's nuts. She promptly burst into tears when the rehearsing goes bad, screaming her head off about how this is all she ever wanted and that she has put everything she has down for this. Yeah, and the others are there for laughs, are they?

Katrina (Bikini Girl) also got herself a group. (I'll stop calling her Bikini Girl now cause she has stopped wearing a bikini. Also, Bikini Girl is longer to type.) I was very interested to see how she interacts with girls who are immune to the charms of her cleavage. Also, almost immediately, her group regrets having her. Rose, the hippie girl, sulks to the camera and says that her group seems like they're more interested in looking cute than singing. On cue, Katrina does the over the shoulder look and winks at the camera.

Another group the episode focused on was the trio of Nancy, Nathaniel and another girl. Tatiana, after falling out with her previous group, decides to join their group. She's welcomed with open arms by the 'other girl', but Nancy would have none of it. Tatiana begs and pleads, saying how she knows the song really well and would be great with them. A few hours later, Tatiana decides to join back her old group, leaving Nancy fuming mad. Nancy chaces her all across the ballroom and shouts at the shameless woman. Tatiana begs and pleads (again), saying how she thinks that their song (Mercy by Duffy) would sound better if sung solo. Nancy loses it and blows off the roof with her powerhouse screaming. She leaves in a huff, dragging the 'other girl' with her.

Meanwhile, Nathaniel looks on, bemused.

The 'other girl' then wants to rest her voice after singing for hours. Nancy (bless her dramatic heart!) says 'I want to learn the song and you want to sit here on your ass and rest?!" She proceeds on to shouting at the poor tired girl till she (the poor girl, not Nancy) starts crying. "I don't care that you're crying!" Ouch. Somebody's PMSing.

Meanwhile, Nathaniel looks on, bemused.

Perhaps realising that he was getting too little attention, he started crying to another team. "I've tried my best to get those girls to work together!' He stamps his feet like a right little diva. "But nothing works! I've worked so hard for this, and they're ruining it!" He then begins a shoutdown with Nancy (the girl should get her own reality show). Their little argument brings all the cameramen around running. Nice work, Nathaniel. Really knows how to get some screen time.

Katrina then causes trouble by wanting to go to sleep when everyone else in her team is rehearsing. She arrives with her makeup bag very very late the next day, to the charign of her teammates. Rose gives her best pissed-off look as she collects her bag and stands up to leave. Their audition was horrible, as Rose had predicted. Simon was finally showing signs of him returning to himself once more, not taking anymore bullshit from Katrina as he very directly told her 'you went to bed and the others couldn't rehearse. Who's fault was it?" Katrina was shocked that Simon finally told her off. She should have worn her bikini to be extra sure.

I was overjoyed when Katrina was finally kicked out, along with two other of her group members. She very haughtily stalked off after it was announced that she's out, causing Kara to call her a bitch. Bye, Katrina!

The other drama queen, Nancy, was also kicked off, but her two teammates stayed on. She made a very undignified exit, pushing them away when they tried to hug her.

Again, I was left feeling very puzzled after day 2. Why did the producers keep so many of the potential viewer magnets hidden away? I didn't see the previous ones that were focused on, but instead saw a lot of the drama. It was almost like an MTV reality show. Like Hills, but with less beautiful people. What's going on with American Idol? They previously claimed that it was going to be about the singing, but I barely saw any on these episodes. The million dollar question is: Why are they keeping them hidden?

There's going to be a final Hollywood round next week, before they choose the final 36. Hope it gets better then.