The Tale of the Sparrow and the Dung

"Once upon a time, a sparrow was flying south for the winter. Along the way, it got so cold that it froze solid and fell to the ground. To make matters worse, a cow took a dump on the sparrow. The warmth of the dung melted the sparrow, and it was happy and warm, so it started singing. A passing cat heard the sparrow, so it dug the sparrow out and ate it."

Lovely story.

The moral of the story is: those who dump crap on you arn't necessarily your enemies, and those who dig you out of the crap arn't necessarily your friends. Also, keep your mouth shut when you're happy and warm.

Fame

Fame thrills.

The exhilaration of thousands screaming your name. The pride swelling in your chest, knowing all these people waited hours just to catch a glimpse of you. The glowing satisfaction within you as you make someone's entire year, just with a smile and a wave. To see your name on the internet without having to Google for it. And to see more than one relevant page when you do Google for it.

Fame pays the bills.

All the worldly possessions you can possibly want. Material needs so well taken care of that you become numb to the satisfaction of fulfillment. A walk in your garden peppered with Victorian antiques, a crystal fountain bubbling champagne, a dip in the pool followed with a shiatsu in the patio. With a masseur flown in from Japan, naturally.

Fame chills.

It is lonely at the top. Who has the time or energy to make friends, with a chaotic circus constantly crammed around you. Who is truly there for you, and who is there to exploit you. Withdraw into your own shell, a cocoon of defense.

Fame kills.

Many ultimately destroyed by their very reason for being. Without entertaining, entertainers would not be themselves, would not have a purpose in life. The path towards true meaning in their lives also led to the brightest stars' untimely departure.

The Dark Lord is Coming!

"Hello! So, as a.. you're a student right... okay. As a student, do you care for your future?"

Those were the first words out of her mouth the moment I answered the door. In fact, I wasn't even sure if she said hello.

"Umm, yes?" I replied.

"Great! So how do you ensure that your future is a bright one?"

"By studying? Which I need to get back to." I did the subtle-yet-obvious watch glance, then realized too late that I wasn't wearing a watch.

"Studying, huh! Right, so we study because we need to equip ourselves with knowledge, so we can get more material things right?"

"Yeeeesss?" Seriously, is there a question she asks that doesn't require an affirmative response. And I still didn't know where this was going. Is she some sort of assessment book sales lady?

"Good good, right lets take a look at the bible...." Ahh... It's all so clear to me now. Preachers. Normally, if it were ice-cream salesmen or drug pushers, I would have just given them a 'I really wanna, but I don't have the money' look and shut the door. But preachers, you gotta have some fun with them.

"Okay, found it!" She was flipping through the bible looking for a verse.

"Read this!" She shoved the book in my face and I was forced to read a paragraph about wisdom and its uses.

"Soooo, what do we all need?" The woman looks at me hopefully, while her finger is pointing to the word 'wisdom'. I gave her the 'are you fucking serious' look but I think she's been doing this long enough to learn how to ignore it.

I finally relent. 'Is it wisdom?' I said. Like I was on wheel-of-fortune or something.

"That's right!" Yippee, I win a trip to the Bahamas. I'd much rather win a cow prod to zap the woman. She goes on.

"Wisdom is what we need, as it says so in the BIIIIBLEEE (you know, the way they stress bible into a 4 syllable word). You see, it's such an important book. The word of God is recorded here. We all need widom, don't you agree with me?"

Finally, a time I can say 'no'. "I do agree that we need wisdom, but I don't believe we need it because it is what the bible says. We need food and air, regardless or not the bible recommends it."

The woman was slightly taken aback. She composes herself and fearlessly pushes on. "But you see, if we study the bible, we will know more about.."

"I cannot agree with a lot of the things the bible is saying.."

"For example?" She has the nerve to interupt me.

"Well, for example, the part about the slaves? About how it is an alright thing to do? About how to obtain slaves, how hard you can beat them, and when you can have sex with the female slaves?" She gives me a look like as if she's never heard of the book of Leviticus, Exodus, Ephesians, Timothy and Luke, all of which mention slavery in a positive light.

For once, she's quiet. I push on.

"Also, I cannot accept the part where homosexuality is condemned. All the 'if a man lies with another man as he would with a woman, then they shall both be put to death for their blood guiltiness is upon them' stuff. People are people. If God created every one of us, wouldn't he love us equally? Why would those who break the commandments be condemned to eternity in hell? And yet he still 'loves' us?" I ramble off a quote to scare her.

She actually brightens up at the mention of hell, which kinda scares me. "Right! Hellfire. Well you see, actually hell is something the churches are advocating, but it is actually not mentioned in the bible. God actually says in one part that he never meant for the pagans to burn their criminals, and that it was never his intention..."

"God is powerful enough to create the entire universe, and yet he watches helplessly as a group of primitive people set fire to each other. Right. And why would the church preach something that is not even in the bible then? Isn't the whole point of going to church to learn more about your religion? What's the whole point if they're wrong?"

The woman is starting to get flustered. She looks to her partner for help but the other one is retreating further into the distance.

I've barely ranted enough, but my mom came back at that point and I know she wouldn't let me keep torturing them.

"Alright, I guess this is just not the right faith for me. I had fun talking to you guys though, thank you for coming!" I slowly itch the door close.

"You don't have to choose your faith now! Maybe we can come back again with magazines... or.."

"Goodbye!" And the door slams shut.

I sure hope they come back again. Maybe the next time I'll fake a demonic seizure and start yelling "THE DARK LORD IS GOING TO GET YOU! THE DARK LORD IS COMING!". They would think I'm talking about Satan, but of course I'm talking about Voldermort.