Teacup Pigs..... and Crazy Dictators

Brace yourselves for a full onslaught of adorable-ness that would make even Josef Stalin melt into a puddle of evil-dictator. Hilter would shed tears of joy as he nuzzled these little folks (before the Dwarf activists come screaming for a lawsuit, I have to clarify that I'm not talking about little people) to his Chaplin-mustached face. Even Kim Jong Il would be in such a good mood that he pardons all the Americans from hard labor.

Seriously though. Sentenced to hard labor? Isn't that what every other North Korean civilian is doing on a day to day basis. Basically, if you're caught in N Korea, you're punished by receiving their citizenship.

Kim Jong Il: "You pesky American journalists! Stop illegally coming into our land of glory and awesome! We're so damn amazing and you just want to steal all our secrets! You're not making me give up my 'Dictatorship for Dummies: How to Run a Country into the Ground' self-help book!'

Journalist: 'Uh, your people are starving to death right in front of my eyes. In fact, there goes another one right there.'

Kim Jong Il: 'He's just resting his eyes.'

Journalist: 'Uh, no, your soldiers are already carrying away his body.'

Kim Jong Il: 'Fucking Americans! You're gonna regret this! Make no mistake: you will be put through so much torment, you'd wish you were never born! You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna make you live like one of us!'

Journalist: 'Nooooo!'

Boy, I really do digress. I was going to talk about cute little teacup pigs, but crazy dictators seem like such an intriguing topic now. I hope that journalist's story ends well.

The lastest fad in the pet world comes in the form of adorable little pigs. This species of pig can only grow to roughly the size of one's palm, due to some genetic modification. Right now, though, they are only available in Britian, and cost around a thousand dollars per piglet. Only one farm in the whole of Britian sells these lovable animals, and the owner demands that you buy two at one go, so that they can keep each other company. She apparently does background checks as well, to make sure the owner can care for these pigs properly, and have plenty of time to play with them. I know right. Snobbish bitch.

Come to think of it, if there was gonna be that much drama, I'd rather get a kid. At least kids can give you that satisfying sense of self-contentment when you yell at them.

Kelly down. Next up: Celine

On April 27, I've finally fulfilled the long time dream of seeing a mega-singer in concert. Damian, Greg and I, armed with our $173 Premier Tickets (suck it, 60 dollar cheapos!) made our very hurried way to the Singapore Indoor Stadium at 7.40pm, and was guided through the very exclusive Premier Entrance (I'm trying to break the world record of the most uses of the word 'premier' in a sentence) by the Premier Ushers and shown our Premier Seats. The customary condescending-pitying-mirthful glance was tossed to those with less fortunate seats, and they reciprocated with a delicious aura of jealousy.

We settled down into our seats at row 8. The familiar tingling sensation creeped up my spine when I realized how close we were to the stage. Pleasant smiles to those walking by us to their even better seats, as I project hateful thoughts towards those sons-of-bitches.

Thankfully, there was no local band masquerading as the opening act. The lights went out, blanketing the 5000 strong audience in pitch darkness. Blaring drums started tapping out a deafening beat, and the crowd roared in pure ecstasy as the spotlight illuminated the original Idol.

'Tear up the photographs, bring yesterday back around.." Kelly opens the show with All I Ever Wanted, the title track off her latest CD, and the song the tour was named after. The atmosphere was frenzied and exhilarating, at least for the three of us. We bounced and fist bumped to every song, and sang along to Kelly's impeccably strong vocals.

Most of the songs in the setlist are from the newest album, and only 1 was from My December. The highest points in the show were the times when she encouraged audience participation. The crowd sang along to Breakaway, Because Of You, I Want You and Since U Been Gone, and the feeling was absolutely magical. My favourite moment was when she did an acoustic medley of songs not too familiar with the mainstream audience, but hardcore fans would know and love. Damian and I were almost the only ones who screamed in approval when she launched into Just Missed The Train and Addicted.

Kelly's artistry is apparent, and she did ingenious mash-ups of songs. Midway through If I Can't Have You, she incorporated Kylie's Can't Get You Out Of My Head. She also did a mash-up of crowd favorite Use Somebody with Alanis Morrisette's That I Would Be Good.

My other favorite performance was Walk Away. It was towards the end of the show, and most of the crowd were already exhausted from all the jumping and screaming. The three of us, of course, remained high like we were on drugs. But when Walk Away started, the crowd all got on their feet again and the energy just skyrocketed. I now understand the appeal of familiar songs in a concert. People like rocking out to what they've been listening to for ages, and only a few would appreciate her branching out and doing interesting, though unfamiliar improvisations.

The final song of the night was My Life Would Suck Without You, and even the parent chaperons of the kids beside us stood up and bounced along to it. She performed a total of 20 songs, setlist as shown below.

1. All I Ever Wanted
2. Miss Independent
3. I Do Not Hook Up
4. Impossible
5. That I Would Be Good (Alanis Morissette cover)/Use Somebody (Kings of Leon cover)
6. Breakaway
7. If I Can't Have You/Can't Get You Out of My Head (Kylie Minogue cover)
8. Never Again
9. Lies (The Black Keys cover)
10. Acoustic Medley
    1. Just Missed The Train
    2. Low
    3. Addicted
    4. Gone
11. Behind These Hazel Eyes (Acoustic)
12. Save You
13. I Want You
14. Don't Let Me Stop You
15. Because of You
16. Walk Away
17. Since U Been Gone

Encore:

1. Already Gone
2. Seven Nation Army (The White Stripes cover)
3. My Life Would Suck Without You

Wish You Well

As a huge fan of crime-fiction novels, I was naturally an avid reader of the work of the masters of such genres, such as Jeffery Deaver and David Baldacci. I love the high-octane pace of super-charged thrillers, and the world of deception and law-enforcement. This was why I had been putting off Baldacci's 'Wish You Well', an old-fashioned coming-of-age story that was unlike anything he had written before. I only picked it up after I was done with all his available crime-genre books at the library, expecting it to be a huge snore-fest.

As it turns out, day-to-day drama can be just as shocking and devastating as the larger-than-life crime extravaganzas Baldacci's accustomed to shaping. The story begins with a car crash, killing the father of 12 year old Lou and 7 year old Oz, while leaving their mother in a coma. Lou initially held her mother responsible for the death of her beloved dad, for her parents had been arguing prior to the crash, and was ashamed for being resentful at her own comatose mother.

The Cardinal kids, with their unconscious mother, was sent to live with their great-grandmother in rural Virginia. The mountains was their father's childhood home, and although he uses the rustic environment of the Virginian mountains as the setting for his novels, he had never once returned to visit. Louisa, Lou's namesake and the kids' great-grandma, is a strict but loving woman, and graciously takes the three into her humble home. Thrown into a completely foreign surrounding, the city kids slowly learn to adapt to an environment without electricity and tap water. Louisa teaches them the ways of the mountain, and the children gamely chip in with the farm work.

A recurring theme in the novel is 'wishing'. Diamond, a wild, free-spirited native boy tells Lou and Oz of a haunted wishing well, and intones that in order to make a wish, one must give up their most treasured possession to the spirits that haunt the well. One of the most touching scenes in the novel sees the 7 year old Oz sneaking to the well in the dead of the night, away from the gaze of his sister's cynical attitude towards the supernatural, and leaving his teddy bear by the well, while praying for his mother's recovery from the coma. Unbeknown to him, Lou had followed him there to keep an eye on her little brother, and she broke down in sobs by the well after Oz had left.

Lou and Oz finds a friend in Diamond, an orphan who is seemingly independent. His infectious and joyous attitude makes him an utterly lovable character, and his own misinformed views towards Christianity shows us that one doesn't need preachers or churches to have faith. Diamond's claims that 'seeing how God sends an angel to protect him every time he's baptized, he has it done as many as 9 times and hopes he has a whole regiment by now' made me laugh out loud on the MRT. Diamond is a refreshing comic figure in a novel that threatens to overwhelm with grief. I shoulda seen it coming, though; Baldacci often makes his readers love a character, then brutally kills him off. Diamond abruptly met his end in a natural gas explosion, in a scene that left me breathless with anger (towards the miners for illegally mining for natural gas, and towards that bastard Baldacci for doing this to me).

The novel shifts seamlessly into a courtroom drama towards the end, as their lawyer friend battles it out with a ruthless gas company that wants to turn the Virginia mountains into an industrial site. As Louisa's home is situated at the prime location, the company wouldn't buy the land from the various owners unless the old bird sells. She steadfastly refuses, and her barn was set alight by vengeful neighbors seeking to make a profit from this sale. Louisa was shocked into a stroke, and the company sees this as an opportunity to proclaim her mentally unfit to make this decision about selling her land. The courtroom battle that ensues was both captivating and thrilling, showcasing Baldacci's talent for fast-paced action even in scenes where people are just talking.

This is one of the few novels that have managed to bring me close to tears. However, as my closer friends know, unless a dog dies, my eyes are staying tear-free. Still, there were moments when I was on the brink of succumbing to the heart-wrenching struggles of the Cardinal children. Humor was abundant in the novel, side by side with the moments of tragedy. As Baldacci said in the book, humor can drive a point much stronger than brute force. The characters were flawed and vulnerable, and to see them rise against the odds when everything was stacked against them was a truly uplifting experience.