The Arrival of Whitney's New Album

Whitney's comeback has finally happened. After talking about it for years, that lazy girl (girl's stretching it a tad, but whoever said 45 year olds can't be called girls) FINALLY decides to get off her ass and head to the studio. Her first album in 7 years, titled I Look To You, is mostly filled with uptempo tracks about love and some mellower ones about how she overcame it all. "I crashed down, and I tumbled, but I did not crumble". Funny, you'd think she was talking about troubles that the world has dumped on her, and not ones that were self induced. But I'm pretty sure drug abuse falls under the second category.

The title track, I Look To You, written by child molester R Kelly, is one of the above mentioned 'I'm stronger than all that' songs. There's some of that famous falsetto, but it's quite obvious that her voice has significantly deteriorated. One of my personal favorites is Million Dollar Bill, contributed by Alicia Keys. It has some of that 80s feel to it, with an extremely catchy hook. Another one is Worth It, saying how when love brings you up when you're down, you know it'll all be worth it.

It's a nice enough effort at a comeback album, but there's no way this can beat Mariah's. Most of the songs in I Look To You are not very memorable, and the musical arrangement is average at best, nothing spectacular. Also, the tracks sound a little dated, and irrelevant. Whitney doesn't write nor produce her own songs, and it's quite obvious that her true personality does not shine through in her songs.

Enjoyable album, but Mariah's gonna win this one.

'The Proposal' Is Amazing!

No, I wasn't talking about my own proposal. I don't foresee that in my near future. What I was referring to is the new movie starring Sandra Bullock and Betty White. I remember there’s a guy too, but he’s hardly important. The only relevant people are Betty and Sandra, in that order.

Sure, Betty may be the old grandma, but she definitely steals the show. As many young and blissfully ignorant youngsters today are unaware of, Betty is in fact a legendary actress, among the ranks of Dame Judi Dench, Meryl Streep and Maggie Smith. Betty is known for her dark streak behind that innocent façade, and she uses this perfectly in the movie. The emotion she manages to convey work beautifully, but of course, with decades of experience behind her, she probably already knows it will.

On to the story. The plot focuses on how dominatrix boss Sandra forces Ryan to marry her, so she can avoid deportation back to Canada. Madcap adventures are encountered by them as they head to Ryan’s parents’ place (a gigantic ‘place’, I might add) and try to pass off as a real couple. Hot on their heels is this annoying asshole who needs to check if their marriage is real, in order to grant them their marriage license. You would think he’d have better things to do.

The absolutely most hilarious part is when Sandra gets dragged by Betty to do an Earth worship chant around a bonfire. Sandra goes completely nuts and loses all her inhibitions as she boogies to ‘Get Low’ with the old granny (poor thing, doesn’t know what she got herself into). That scene alone makes the admission worth the price. Other notable parts include the lie they tell about how Ryan proposes, with both of them trying to outwit each other, and the part where they run into each other naked.

The movie also has its heartwarming moments. The scene when Betty gives Sandra a necklace (which was given to Betty’s grandma) almost made me tear up. Sandra was so overwhelmed with the guilty of knowing what she has done will eventually devastate the family, and almost reveals her plan.

It was an incredible, amazing experience to have such fun in the cinema, laughing with everyone. Kinda like a family watching a movie together, except the only person’s name I know there is Damian. And James, naturally, since that’s my own name, but.. You get what I mean.

Overall verdict: Not the most original movie, nor will it win any Oscars, but its definitely the funniest movie I’ve seen in a long time.

Mariah's new song!

It's a fantastic cover of Foreigner's I Want To Know What Love Is, with amazing powerful vocals and unbelievable high notes. Her voice is back!

SIGNS: A short film

A really sweet romantic short film I came across, practically contains no dialogue but it manages to convey everything beautifully.

Procrastination: A Poem

I wrote this during the math paper =) It's the reason I have so much time.

"I should get studying"
Pushed out of my mind
The day is early
I've got tons of time

Just a few notes to read
I can get through that, no problem
Meanwhile let's find
A way to rid this boredom

You expect me to revise
When I'm still having breakfast?
Just one quick glance
From 9 to 10 it's 'Ellen DeGeneres'

I'm still woozy and sleepy
Can barely even think
Maybe E-News might help
Watch some starlets on the brink

"You should be studying"
I heard my conscience say
With new resolve I head to my room
But lost half of it along the way

"Come read my daily news online"
Mariah's voice floats in
Not that I want to,
But to ignore her would be a sin

I promised myself
Ten minutes is all I allow
But three hours later
I'd completely forgotten that vow

"I absolutely must begin studying,
It's now or never!"
As i repeated that to myself
I logged on to messenger

It's now nightfall
The day is done
As for the studying
I've barely begun

At least now I'll have time
During the examination
To write a whole poem
on succumbing to procrastination

Vanessa Hudgens VS Dane Cook

Now, we've all established a thousand million years ago that Vanessa Hudgens isn't as innocent as her bookish on screen alter ego, Gabriella. Nude pics of her was leaked sometime ago, and just when we all thought she'd finally turn over a new leaf, she once again shocks (more like pleasantly surprised) the entertainment world with 'This is what Zac is getting', round 2. Okay, so everyone knows she's an idiot, firstly for taking those pictures and then for allowing them to be leaked. Hollywood clearly doesn't receive any news from its Asian counterpart, or dear Edison's tragic little story would have taught her something.

At the recent Teen Choice Awards, Dane Cook (some pathetic loser that nobody even knew existed) was on stage, and he was calling out for Vanessa. She gleefully waved at him, thinking someone was finally going to say something nice about her. The whole thousand strong crowd turned their attention at her, some even cheered. The crass and immature nonsense that spewed out of his mouth, however, was "You gotta keep your clothes on, man." The poor girl's expression immediately changed, and as strange as it seems, I actually felt a bit for the little slut.

So she has her entire naked body leaked onto the internet for the world to enjoy. Does that justify humiliating her in front of thousands of kids just for his 30 seconds of fame? What has he accomplished by first calling her out and then shaming her, other than to get himself onto all the entertainment stories? Well, he certainly has succeeded, but does he stop to think about how much he has hurt her? She may be an idiot, but she certainly has feelings too. Sure, Nickelodeon has cut that scene from TV, but it's rampant everywhere online. To mention her by name, point her out in a crowd, and then dump that kind of shit on her is beyond despicable. It actually did break my heart a little.

Do people have no empathy anymore? His joke wasn't even remotely tasteful, or humorous. They always talk about 'comic timing' in comedy. It's the timing that was important, and clearly, that wasn't the time, nor the place, to be bringing up the many skeletons in her closet. Some even say she deserves it. I wouldn't argue with you if you say she deserves being stripped (interesting choice of words) of her 'role model' status for Disney kids. But does she deserve such public humiliation? No one does. No one is going to defend her actions, because what she has done is obviously wrong, but are Dane Cooks' actions any more morally upright than hers?

Grow up, Dane. Seriously.

My Neighbour is a Schizophrenic

Guess what I found out today! My family apparently abuses our neighbor by:

- setting our dog on her
- cutting off her plants when it blooms
- forbiding her from joining a Buddhist organization
- forcing her to join a satanic cult
- threatening her if she reuses
- scaring her so much that she doesn't dare to return home

Boy do we have issues. That is, if you trust the words of a schizophrenic.

I never thought i would actually encounter any member of the highly expansive mentally ill club, but that's exactly what the seemingly innocent looking old granny (that lives in the apartment next to our's) turn out to be. That explains why she gave me the 'AHHH IT'S THE SPAWN OF THE DEMON' look when I said hi to her in the life. She was probably debating if she could take me out in a fist fight if I decided to tear her into pieces and eat her up.

She really shouldn't blame someone else for her lack of botany skills. Though, of course it would only be natural for her to think we did that to her. Happens all the time, doesn't it. Neighbors who are jealous of your beautiful cactus and decide to snip off all the little spikes.

"Hey, is that a new breed of cactus?"

"Nah, my neighbor did that."

"Oh, tough luck for you. Yeah, I have horrible neightbors too. At least yours didn't feed poison lollipops to your granddaughter."

As for the satanic cult thing, she only has herself to blame. We're just trying to show her the true path to heaven, and the silly old bird refuses. Don't they always say the fastest way to heaven is to find hell's door? We're showing her the bloody door and she refuses to bulge. Only option left is to give her a gigantic shove, to give her a little encouragement. Old people can be soooo tough to persuade. Now she thinks we're threatening her. Hello, blood thrown on your front door can hardly be counted as threatening. I mash your son's finger into your potatoes and only tell you after you're done eating it, now that's a threat.

I fear for my life now. Like, seriously. What if one day, dear old granny decides it's time to rid the world of evil, one neighbor at a time? She might decide to put on her Supergirl costume, and I don't think my poor brain can handle an 80 year old in that outfit. I'll just drop to to ground and die.

Don't do that to me, old granny!

A Couple That Dances Together, Stays Together

This is one of the most amazing and romantic things I've seen in my whole long life of 18 years. This family, instead of walking solemnly and lifelessly down the aisle to the mind-numbingly cliche wedding march, chooses to jiggle and boogie to the tune of Chris Brown's Forever. After this video became a youtube sensation, the family made use of this opportunity to promote an anti-domestic-violence cause, pleading husbands NOT to be like Chris Brown. Very nice touch =)

Forever Your (nonsense-sprouting) Girl

American Idol's never going to be the same again. Paula just released a statement on Twitter saying that she couldn't reach an agreement with the AI producers, and hence she has decided to ditch it. This, people, is what Twitter is for. Not for your constant updates on how much you love chocolate-frosted cake, cause unless you're Britney Spears, WE DON'T CARE.

Kara, thankfully, is still staying on. Looks like they would rather have the cheaper and more knowledgeable judge than the expensive and bullshit-sprouting one. But that's what we all love and hate her for, and its the main reason why anyone (fine, I) would watch it. I was looking forward to seeing how she continues to age backwards while Simon and Randy slowly become wheelchair bound. But those producers are really quite sexist. Simon's getting paid more than thirty million dollars for being rude, while Drunkla Abdul is only awarded a measely 2 million for her efforts. If Nigel was still around, he would never have let this happen.

Who's gonna provide the true entertainment of the show now? Randy's gonna be all, 'Dawg, I feel that, that was not the right song choice for me, for you..' (for the record, Randy, if you already said that it's what you feel, obviously you meant for you), Kara's gonna be all technical with the 'your pitch is right on', and Simon's just gonna be his usual 'that was like ordering a hamberger and only getting the bun' (and they claim Paula's sprouting nonsense?).
That's all fine and dandy for the judging part, but what about all the not so relevant but equally important

- "All you can do is the best you can do."
- "That may not be your best performance, but you look AMAZING and that is what's important"
- "I loved the color of your performance. It was a combination of all my favourite colors, like a rainbow"
-"You showed versatility And you still stayed true to who you are. What a concept!"

Just watch this video and you'll know what I'm talking about. (And it featured the shortest performance I've ever seen. One note and she goes on rambling like a lunatic)

and all the fighting with Simon...

- "I don't give a crap what you have to say"
-"SHUT UP! SHUT UP!" (articulate girl, ain't she)

... and we obviously can't forget that she has psychic powers and is able to judge performances before they even happen. NOW explain to me why she's not worth twenty million dollars. What competition wouldn't need a clairvoyant judge who can also use 'agility', 'substitution', 'brilliance', 'decadence', 'instinctual', 'consummate professional', 'balladeer, 'intonation', 'masterfully effortless' and 'the palette of what you're wearing' in a sentence?

It's never gonna be the same again.