Tuesday, June 8, 2010

I Want One

I want one of these giant critters for a pet. Imagine cuddling one on the couch while watching TV, feeding it carrots and combing its hair. (I'm talking about the rabbit, just in case any of you mistake me for having an old-man fetish.) We could even hold paws and walk side by side along the river, talking about our work and reminiscing about the good ole' days. Just look at those adorable big feet - gives me a strange desire to want to bite it.

Friday, June 4, 2010

Congrats! You Get To See More Of Me

The single greatest most incredible thing about going to school in Madison, is the insanely beautiful dorm I'll be staying in, called Lucky 101. It's a privately owned dorm, still located in the school, but managed by private firms. That basically means the rules are far more relaxed, they can make it as luxurious as they want, and it's still within walking distance of your classes. I wanted to rent an apartment of my own, initially, but Dad wouldn't hear of it. He wants me to suffer and experience what it's like to live with other people in the dorms, he says. Sure, dad. I will be suffering very much in my hotel-like complex. They don't even say 'roommates' there, they say suite-mates. Sweet.

It costs a bit more than 7k for the doubles suite, meaning you have to stay in the same room as someone else within that apartment, which is actually cheaper than the school dorm fee of 8k per year. But of course, living with someone else would completely ruin all the plans I have (they totally do not include having various people sleep over, with Mariah's 'Making It Last All Night' playing in the background), and so I pushed my dad into getting the singles suite (12k per year, inclusive of meals), complete with my own queen sized bed. Boy oh boy. The pieces seem to be all falling into place.

The layout of the place is like this.

4 people share one apartment, and we each have our own bedrooms to engage in activities too private to be shared. We share a living room and a fully functioning kitchen, and two bathrooms. There's even concierge and housekeeping services, which leads me to wonder why they're still pretending to be a dorm, when it's obviously a hotel. Also, if you feel that the tone of this post has started to turn excessively braggish, you are absolutely right. Something has finally gone right for me and believe me, I will rub it in all of your faces for as many times as I can =)

The earliest possible date I could move in would be August 25, which is why I have changed my airticket to August 26. The Uni has a special SOAR (summer orientation and registration) date on Aug 31 for those people who are unable to make it to the earlier July dates, so it all works out perfectly. You may now take a moment to shriek in joy at the thought of getting to see me for a whole 2 months more. Go ahead, let it all out.

Okay, moment over.

Feast your eyes on my gorgeous living quarters, if you will =)

Friday, May 7, 2010

The Complete Annihilation of My Plans

I love having my plans changed as much as I enjoy a delightful trip to the dentist. The way they lower and tilt you so unnecessarily low on the dentist chair (why they call it the dentist chair is beyond me, for I have never seen a dentist on it before), so much that you're sure your crotch is almost level with the dentist's face, is just an experience I would love to repeat over and over again. And those tools they use, with the thrillingly sharp drilling sound they produce? Wow, just a sado-masochist's dream come true. They even have a cute little vacuuming pipe just to siphon away the bloodshed, so you wouldn't choke and die from asphyxiating on your own coagulating body fluids.

Be still, my heart <3

Now before y'all start hunting me with flaming torches and calling me a ranking-whore, let me just clarify something. Yes, I am very much a whore, and is unduly proud of it. Okay, you may begin.

One of the main pushing factors, was that many friends and uncles in US have told me that Purdue, although famous, is mainly known for Engineering, and they don't pour much resources into the other departments. Plus, for Sociology, UW-Madison's program was ranked 2nd in US for undergraduate, and 1st in graduate studies. Those are numbers I cannot simply ignore. Madison is also a much bigger and urban city than West Lafayette, and it would have lots more to offer in terms of living. The people are also reportedly more liberal (though in what sense I'm not sure, and am not really sure I want to know) than the famously conservative Indiana. Now that I look at it, what was I honestly thinking. Indiana? Really? The free-Willy in me would have been so suffocated.

If you think I'm trying to talk myself into justifying my decisions, you could not be more wrong. I am doing much more than talking to myself, although the self-monologues have started to come more frequently now. I have immersed myself into self-hypnosis and electro-therapy as well, to suppress any and all second-thoughts I might have. I think my grandma will soon tell me I've been screaming I HAVE NOT MADE A MISTAKE! in my sleep.

Now my biggest apprehension is the weather. The winters in Madison can literally kill you if you're not prepared. It'll sneak its cold wispy hands underneath your flimsy undergarments when you're not looking, and squeeze the life out of you as your blood crystallizes and punctures holes in your veins. I could be very well describing a sexual predator who just had ice-cream, but you get what I mean. I very sincerely hope that I wouldn't encounter one of the freak -30 degrees-Celsius winters the world seems so fond of setting on us these days.

Plus, who would be able to admire my well proportioned and trim figure when it's all bundled up in the down of endangered birds? (If I'm gonna be freezing my ass off, those damn exotic birds are going down with me.) My lobster will never be able to find me underneath all that plumage now. Damn.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Wisconsin or Indiana

This afternoon, I received the application package of the last school I had yet to hear from. The University of Wisconsin-Madison has also extended their welcome to me, and I should technically be celebrating. This new development, however, has thrown a monkey wrench into my already smoothly running plans.

It's like my own Sophie's Choice. And when faced with such a difficult decision, I did what any rational, clear-headed and focused guy would do - down two glasses of wine.

Madison was my birthplace, and returning there would have a certain nostalgic value. UW-Madison is ranked 61 worldwide, admittedly a lot higher than Purdue's ranking of 87. It's also higher than NTU's 73, and my insatiable greed and gigantic ego would just love for me to go to a school better ranked than the ones my classmates (with their better ALevel scores) are going to. I suppose with it's better ranking, it would produce students of a better caliber? I have attended talks where the speaker insisted that rankings aren't the most important thing, but I have this nagging suspicion he was just trying to make people feel better.

Purdue, on the other hand, has offered me an honors program, and I really am in love with the quaint nature-y look of the place. It seems like such a waste to give up what could have been my honors degree. I had been prepping myself for West Lafayette, and I feel utterly stuck right now. However, Purdue is famed and known mainly for engineering, so I don't know if they'll focus their resources mainly on that, and give less to liberal arts.

Perhaps the most annoying thing about this whole situation is that I had been moving forward and making progress. I thought I had put the whole fiasco of rushing deadlines and confirming this and that behind me, and now it seems like I have to revisit that nightmare again. Friends have been advising me to find the positives and negatives about both schools, but then again, very biased conclusions can be made of a school if you already don't feel like attending it.

Also, it doesn't feel very nice when you know (cause of how late the application package came in) that UW-Madison only offered a place to you because someone else didn't want to take it. Purdue offered me a place within days of receiving my application. Wouldn't you want to go to a school where you're so valued too?

My decision has to be made by the end of the week, in order to meet the acceptance deadline. I guess it's time to get crackin' again.


My new home?

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Edge of Nineteen

As the dawn of my nineteenth year draws closer, I couldn't help but ponder on the implications this brings for my future. For the next foreseeable few years, this would be the last birthday I'm celebrating in Singapore, and in the company of close family and friends. The finality of the situation seems to be slowly sinking in, with the arrival of so many 'lasts'.

Last year this time, there was also a party thrown to celebrate my 18th. I still vividly remember talking to uncles and aunts about going aboard to study, and the whole US application hoopla. Back then, nothing was decided yet, no application essays were written, no final exams taken, no schools contacted. It was a very stressful period of time, and the thought of not making it to a US college would completely paralyze me with fear. There was much uncertainty with the 'staying in Singapore after canceling PR' plan too. It would be terrible if I had to leave half a year prior to the start of college.

What a difference a year can make. This time round, I'm talking to them about concrete plans and stuff that are happening for real. The party today doubles up as a farewell party for me, and marks a time in my life where the 'grown-ups' are considering me part of them. This is the biggest step of my life yet, and it feels like every bad decision in the past doesn't matter anymore. It's like I have come to this point where I begin afresh in a whole new environment, and start forging a future where I can control.

It's obvious that the road ahead is not going to be roses and rainbows - you'd have to be a certified idiot to think everything'll be fine. But to have that stop you from going for what you truly want, now that's the real idiocy. I've talked to people who are absolutely astounded by my plans of leaving my whole family behind to live alone in a distant land halfway around the globe. But I say, the world is huge and there's so much you haven't seen. Why confine yourself to the limited horizons of one island when there's a world to experience. It may not always be pleasant experiences, but they'll be unforgettable ones.

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Obesity Will Sink Your Country

Take a look at the overweight kids running (or rather, panting and whining about how their meaty legs are rubbing against each other too much, creating an exorbitant amount of friction that would soon set their pants on fire) around you, especially if you're in America. These lumps of oil factories will one day grow up to defend your country against the aliens. And trust me, they *will* demand that you take them to see your leader one day, and they won't be asking nicely. Their policy has always been 'stun them with the ray guns first, harvest their sperm second, ask question only if absolutely necessary (like in the case of Lady Gaga, they gotta make sure what it is they're really harvesting)'.

Obesity. Just writing that gives me chills of disgust. It used to be just an eyesore, but obesity in children has apparently become such a serious issue in America that it has become a threat to national security. More than a quarter of youngsters in USA are already too fat to be of any use in a war, and human shields only last for that long. I suppose they can always be utilized as emergency flotation devices, but you know how those human rights activists get. You use oooone little fat bastard as a life-buoy and you'll never hear the end of it. It really is truly amazing, how a country and feed and feed itself to such extreme ends that obesity is becoming an epidemic. It'll soon be a crime to be fat, I swear, and I want to be the first in line to call someone a 'fatlon'. Like, a felon, ya know. Geddit? Good.

"Fatlon!" Just testing to see how it rolls off the tongue. It'll catch on, eventually.

Some say it's an illness. That they can't help it, because food tastes too good to resist. Like as if the rest of us would put cheesecake in our mouths and taste piss? Honey, you know you have a problem when you're starting to sweat chocolate sauce. It's never been an 'illness' in the days when people had to hunt for food, instead of having ready-made calorie bombs wrapped like candy available for a few measly dollars.

"Oh, sorry, Father, I can't run the deer down anymore. My high intake of syrup and cream - you know, those growing on the candy floss tree - has given me this strange illness of obesity."

Wake up and smell the coffee, kids. Laziness is the illness, not obesity. If you got off that fat ass and hit the treadmill once in a while, maybe generals wouldn't have to come out of retirement to plan country-wide interventions.

This has confirmed my long time theory of how MacDonalds is run by terrorist cells to weaken the military force of America. Look at that creepy smile of Ronald Macdonalds and tell me that isn't the face of evil staring right back at you.

USA - The beautiful land where privileges turn into crippling diseases.

For The Last Time - Pokémon DO EXIST!

I'm so tired of repeating myself to those non-believers who invest all their efforts in putting us down. Pokémon (that's right, I took the trouble to put that little accent on e. It's the 'only people who believe in god will write God syndrome'.) are very well alive and living among us, and certain people want to quieten down the ones who stand for the truth and the righteous, to push their own agenda. It's those bigoted religious groups, I tell ya. Mention anything related to evolution to them and they'll hunt you down with a pitchfork and a cross.

I think the real reason they're so against us is cause they're quite simply very jealous of the cooler Pokémon representatives we have. They have a craggy, homeless-looking shepard's son (who could really use a haircut), we have a cute, fuzzy yellow furball called Pikachu. It's really easy to see why they would want to shut us down.

Now I was once a non-believer like you. I say to myself, 'James..', and I answered, 'Yes?'. 'If Pokémon existed, wouldn't there be at least one or two photograhic evidence? Like how when they took a photo of god, everyone saw and realized he does exist?'

I told you god's real.

Well, kids. As it turns out, there really are pictures of Pokémon. Your eyes kid you not. The following very graphic images you are about to see will very certainly change your life forever.

Cubone

Dewgong

Ponyta

Vulpix

Beedrill

and last but not least, our very own ambassador,

Pikachu

See, what did I tell you. I should probably state here that I'm very lucid and very sober, and currently not on any medication or psychedelic drugs. Just in case you're wondering. Now go spread the joyous news to your little friends!

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Teacup Pigs..... and Crazy Dictators

Brace yourselves for a full onslaught of adorable-ness that would make even Josef Stalin melt into a puddle of evil-dictator. Hilter would shed tears of joy as he nuzzled these little folks (before the Dwarf activists come screaming for a lawsuit, I have to clarify that I'm not talking about little people) to his Chaplin-mustached face. Even Kim Jong Il would be in such a good mood that he pardons all the Americans from hard labor.

Seriously though. Sentenced to hard labor? Isn't that what every other North Korean civilian is doing on a day to day basis. Basically, if you're caught in N Korea, you're punished by receiving their citizenship.

Kim Jong Il: "You pesky American journalists! Stop illegally coming into our land of glory and awesome! We're so damn amazing and you just want to steal all our secrets! You're not making me give up my 'Dictatorship for Dummies: How to Run a Country into the Ground' self-help book!'

Journalist:
'Uh, your people are starving to death right in front of my eyes. In fact, there goes another one right there.'

Kim Jong Il:
'He's just resting his eyes.'

Journalist:
'Uh, no, your soldiers are already carrying away his body.'

Kim Jong Il:
'Fucking Americans! You're gonna regret this! Make no mistake: you will be put through so much torment, you'd wish you were never born! You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna make you live like one of us!'

Journalist:
'Nooooo!'

Boy, I really do digress. I was going to talk about cute little teacup pigs, but crazy dictators seem like such an intriguing topic now. I hope that journalist's story ends well.

The lastest fad in the pet world comes in the form of adorable little pigs. This species of pig can only grow to roughly the size of one's palm, due to some genetic modification. Right now, though, they are only available in Britian, and cost around a thousand dollars per piglet. Only one farm in the whole of Britian sells these lovable animals, and the owner demands that you buy two at one go, so that they can keep each other company. She apparently does background checks as well, to make sure the owner can care for these pigs properly, and have plenty of time to play with them. I know right. Snobbish bitch.

Come to think of it, if there was gonna be that much drama, I'd rather get a kid. At least kids can give you that satisfying sense of self-contentment when you yell at them.


Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Kelly down. Next up: Celine

On April 27, I've finally fulfilled the long time dream of seeing a mega-singer in concert. Damian, Greg and I, armed with our $173 Premier Tickets (suck it, 60 dollar cheapos!) made our very hurried way to the Singapore Indoor Stadium at 7.40pm, and was guided through the very exclusive Premier Entrance (I'm trying to break the world record of the most uses of the word 'premier' in a sentence) by the Premier Ushers and shown our Premier Seats. The customary condescending-pitying-mirthful glance was tossed to those with less fortunate seats, and they reciprocated with a delicious aura of jealousy.

We settled down into our seats at row 8. The familiar tingling sensation creeped up my spine when I realized how close we were to the stage. Pleasant smiles to those walking by us to their even better seats, as I project hateful thoughts towards those sons-of-bitches.

Thankfully, there was no local band masquerading as the opening act. The lights went out, blanketing the 5000 strong audience in pitch darkness. Blaring drums started tapping out a deafening beat, and the crowd roared in pure ecstasy as the spotlight illuminated the original Idol.

'Tear up the photographs, bring yesterday back around.." Kelly opens the show with All I Ever Wanted, the title track off her latest CD, and the song the tour was named after. The atmosphere was frenzied and exhilarating, at least for the three of us. We bounced and fist bumped to every song, and sang along to Kelly's impeccably strong vocals.

Most of the songs in the setlist are from the newest album, and only 1 was from My December. The highest points in the show were the times when she encouraged audience participation. The crowd sang along to Breakaway, Because Of You, I Want You and Since U Been Gone, and the feeling was absolutely magical. My favourite moment was when she did an acoustic medley of songs not too familiar with the mainstream audience, but hardcore fans would know and love. Damian and I were almost the only ones who screamed in approval when she launched into Just Missed The Train and Addicted.

Kelly's artistry is apparent, and she did ingenious mash-ups of songs. Midway through If I Can't Have You, she incorporated Kylie's Can't Get You Out Of My Head. She also did a mash-up of crowd favorite Use Somebody with Alanis Morrisette's That I Would Be Good.

My other favorite performance was Walk Away. It was towards the end of the show, and most of the crowd were already exhausted from all the jumping and screaming. The three of us, of course, remained high like we were on drugs. But when Walk Away started, the crowd all got on their feet again and the energy just skyrocketed. I now understand the appeal of familiar songs in a concert. People like rocking out to what they've been listening to for ages, and only a few would appreciate her branching out and doing interesting, though unfamiliar improvisations.

The final song of the night was My Life Would Suck Without You, and even the parent chaperons of the kids beside us stood up and bounced along to it. She performed a total of 20 songs, setlist as shown below.

  1. All I Ever Wanted
  2. Miss Independent
  3. I Do Not Hook Up
  4. Impossible
  5. That I Would Be Good (Alanis Morissette cover)/Use Somebody (Kings of Leon cover)
  6. Breakaway
  7. If I Can't Have You/Can't Get You Out of My Head (Kylie Minogue cover)
  8. Never Again
  9. Lies (The Black Keys cover)
  10. Acoustic Medley
    1. Just Missed The Train
    2. Low
    3. Addicted
    4. Gone
  11. Behind These Hazel Eyes (Acoustic)
  12. Save You
  13. I Want You
  14. Don't Let Me Stop You
  15. Because of You
  16. Walk Away
  17. Since U Been Gone

Encore:

  1. Already Gone
  2. Seven Nation Army (The White Stripes cover)
  3. My Life Would Suck Without You

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Wish You Well

As a huge fan of crime-fiction novels, I was naturally an avid reader of the work of the masters of such genres, such as Jeffery Deaver and David Baldacci. I love the high-octane pace of super-charged thrillers, and the world of deception and law-enforcement. This was why I had been putting off Baldacci's 'Wish You Well', an old-fashioned coming-of-age story that was unlike anything he had written before. I only picked it up after I was done with all his available crime-genre books at the library, expecting it to be a huge snore-fest.

As it turns out, day-to-day drama can be just as shocking and devastating as the larger-than-life crime extravaganzas Baldacci's accustomed to shaping. The story begins with a car crash, killing the father of 12 year old Lou and 7 year old Oz, while leaving their mother in a coma. Lou initially held her mother responsible for the death of her beloved dad, for her parents had been arguing prior to the crash, and was ashamed for being resentful at her own comatose mother.

The Cardinal kids, with their unconscious mother, was sent to live with their great-grandmother in rural Virginia. The mountains was their father's childhood home, and although he uses the rustic environment of the Virginian mountains as the setting for his novels, he had never once returned to visit. Louisa, Lou's namesake and the kids' great-grandma, is a strict but loving woman, and graciously takes the three into her humble home. Thrown into a completely foreign surrounding, the city kids slowly learn to adapt to an environment without electricity and tap water. Louisa teaches them the ways of the mountain, and the children gamely chip in with the farm work.

A recurring theme in the novel is 'wishing'. Diamond, a wild, free-spirited native boy tells Lou and Oz of a haunted wishing well, and intones that in order to make a wish, one must give up their most treasured possession to the spirits that haunt the well. One of the most touching scenes in the novel sees the 7 year old Oz sneaking to the well in the dead of the night, away from the gaze of his sister's cynical attitude towards the supernatural, and leaving his teddy bear by the well, while praying for his mother's recovery from the coma. Unbeknown to him, Lou had followed him there to keep an eye on her little brother, and she broke down in sobs by the well after Oz had left.

Lou and Oz finds a friend in Diamond, an orphan who is seemingly independent. His infectious and joyous attitude makes him an utterly lovable character, and his own misinformed views towards Christianity shows us that one doesn't need preachers or churches to have faith. Diamond's claims that 'seeing how God sends an angel to protect him every time he's baptized, he has it done as many as 9 times and hopes he has a whole regiment by now' made me laugh out loud on the MRT. Diamond is a refreshing comic figure in a novel that threatens to overwhelm with grief. I shoulda seen it coming, though; Baldacci often makes his readers love a character, then brutally kills him off. Diamond abruptly met his end in a natural gas explosion, in a scene that left me breathless with anger (towards the miners for illegally mining for natural gas, and towards that bastard Baldacci for doing this to me).

The novel shifts seamlessly into a courtroom drama towards the end, as their lawyer friend battles it out with a ruthless gas company that wants to turn the Virginia mountains into an industrial site. As Louisa's home is situated at the prime location, the company wouldn't buy the land from the various owners unless the old bird sells. She steadfastly refuses, and her barn was set alight by vengeful neighbors seeking to make a profit from this sale. Louisa was shocked into a stroke, and the company sees this as an opportunity to proclaim her mentally unfit to make this decision about selling her land. The courtroom battle that ensues was both captivating and thrilling, showcasing Baldacci's talent for fast-paced action even in scenes where people are just talking.

This is one of the few novels that have managed to bring me close to tears. However, as my closer friends know, unless a dog dies, my eyes are staying tear-free. Still, there were moments when I was on the brink of succumbing to the heart-wrenching struggles of the Cardinal children. Humor was abundant in the novel, side by side with the moments of tragedy. As Baldacci said in the book, humor can drive a point much stronger than brute force. The characters were flawed and vulnerable, and to see them rise against the odds when everything was stacked against them was a truly uplifting experience.