Friday, May 7, 2010

The Complete Annihilation of My Plans

I love having my plans changed as much as I enjoy a delightful trip to the dentist. The way they lower and tilt you so unnecessarily low on the dentist chair (why they call it the dentist chair is beyond me, for I have never seen a dentist on it before), so much that you're sure your crotch is almost level with the dentist's face, is just an experience I would love to repeat over and over again. And those tools they use, with the thrillingly sharp drilling sound they produce? Wow, just a sado-masochist's dream come true. They even have a cute little vacuuming pipe just to siphon away the bloodshed, so you wouldn't choke and die from asphyxiating on your own coagulating body fluids.

Be still, my heart <3

Now before y'all start hunting me with flaming torches and calling me a ranking-whore, let me just clarify something. Yes, I am very much a whore, and is unduly proud of it. Okay, you may begin.

One of the main pushing factors, was that many friends and uncles in US have told me that Purdue, although famous, is mainly known for Engineering, and they don't pour much resources into the other departments. Plus, for Sociology, UW-Madison's program was ranked 2nd in US for undergraduate, and 1st in graduate studies. Those are numbers I cannot simply ignore. Madison is also a much bigger and urban city than West Lafayette, and it would have lots more to offer in terms of living. The people are also reportedly more liberal (though in what sense I'm not sure, and am not really sure I want to know) than the famously conservative Indiana. Now that I look at it, what was I honestly thinking. Indiana? Really? The free-Willy in me would have been so suffocated.

If you think I'm trying to talk myself into justifying my decisions, you could not be more wrong. I am doing much more than talking to myself, although the self-monologues have started to come more frequently now. I have immersed myself into self-hypnosis and electro-therapy as well, to suppress any and all second-thoughts I might have. I think my grandma will soon tell me I've been screaming I HAVE NOT MADE A MISTAKE! in my sleep.

Now my biggest apprehension is the weather. The winters in Madison can literally kill you if you're not prepared. It'll sneak its cold wispy hands underneath your flimsy undergarments when you're not looking, and squeeze the life out of you as your blood crystallizes and punctures holes in your veins. I could be very well describing a sexual predator who just had ice-cream, but you get what I mean. I very sincerely hope that I wouldn't encounter one of the freak -30 degrees-Celsius winters the world seems so fond of setting on us these days.

Plus, who would be able to admire my well proportioned and trim figure when it's all bundled up in the down of endangered birds? (If I'm gonna be freezing my ass off, those damn exotic birds are going down with me.) My lobster will never be able to find me underneath all that plumage now. Damn.

No comments: