The Complete Annihilation of My Plans

I love having my plans changed as much as I enjoy a delightful trip to the dentist. The way they lower and tilt you so unnecessarily low on the dentist chair (why they call it the dentist chair is beyond me, for I have never seen a dentist on it before), so much that you're sure your crotch is almost level with the dentist's face, is just an experience I would love to repeat over and over again. And those tools they use, with the thrillingly sharp drilling sound they produce? Wow, just a sado-masochist's dream come true. They even have a cute little vacuuming pipe just to siphon away the bloodshed, so you wouldn't choke and die from asphyxiating on your own coagulating body fluids.

Be still, my heart <3

Now before y'all start hunting me with flaming torches and calling me a ranking-whore, let me just clarify something. Yes, I am very much a whore, and is unduly proud of it. Okay, you may begin.

One of the main pushing factors, was that many friends and uncles in US have told me that Purdue, although famous, is mainly known for Engineering, and they don't pour much resources into the other departments. Plus, for Sociology, UW-Madison's program was ranked 2nd in US for undergraduate, and 1st in graduate studies. Those are numbers I cannot simply ignore. Madison is also a much bigger and urban city than West Lafayette, and it would have lots more to offer in terms of living. The people are also reportedly more liberal (though in what sense I'm not sure, and am not really sure I want to know) than the famously conservative Indiana. Now that I look at it, what was I honestly thinking. Indiana? Really? The free-Willy in me would have been so suffocated.

If you think I'm trying to talk myself into justifying my decisions, you could not be more wrong. I am doing much more than talking to myself, although the self-monologues have started to come more frequently now. I have immersed myself into self-hypnosis and electro-therapy as well, to suppress any and all second-thoughts I might have. I think my grandma will soon tell me I've been screaming I HAVE NOT MADE A MISTAKE! in my sleep.

Now my biggest apprehension is the weather. The winters in Madison can literally kill you if you're not prepared. It'll sneak its cold wispy hands underneath your flimsy undergarments when you're not looking, and squeeze the life out of you as your blood crystallizes and punctures holes in your veins. I could be very well describing a sexual predator who just had ice-cream, but you get what I mean. I very sincerely hope that I wouldn't encounter one of the freak -30 degrees-Celsius winters the world seems so fond of setting on us these days.

Plus, who would be able to admire my well proportioned and trim figure when it's all bundled up in the down of endangered birds? (If I'm gonna be freezing my ass off, those damn exotic birds are going down with me.) My lobster will never be able to find me underneath all that plumage now. Damn.

Wisconsin or Indiana

This afternoon, I received the application package of the last school I had yet to hear from. The University of Wisconsin-Madison has also extended their welcome to me, and I should technically be celebrating. This new development, however, has thrown a monkey wrench into my already smoothly running plans.

It's like my own Sophie's Choice. And when faced with such a difficult decision, I did what any rational, clear-headed and focused guy would do - down two glasses of wine.

Madison was my birthplace, and returning there would have a certain nostalgic value. UW-Madison is ranked 61 worldwide, admittedly a lot higher than Purdue's ranking of 87. It's also higher than NTU's 73, and my insatiable greed and gigantic ego would just love for me to go to a school better ranked than the ones my classmates (with their better ALevel scores) are going to. I suppose with it's better ranking, it would produce students of a better caliber? I have attended talks where the speaker insisted that rankings aren't the most important thing, but I have this nagging suspicion he was just trying to make people feel better.

Purdue, on the other hand, has offered me an honors program, and I really am in love with the quaint nature-y look of the place. It seems like such a waste to give up what could have been my honors degree. I had been prepping myself for West Lafayette, and I feel utterly stuck right now. However, Purdue is famed and known mainly for engineering, so I don't know if they'll focus their resources mainly on that, and give less to liberal arts.

Perhaps the most annoying thing about this whole situation is that I had been moving forward and making progress. I thought I had put the whole fiasco of rushing deadlines and confirming this and that behind me, and now it seems like I have to revisit that nightmare again. Friends have been advising me to find the positives and negatives about both schools, but then again, very biased conclusions can be made of a school if you already don't feel like attending it.

Also, it doesn't feel very nice when you know (cause of how late the application package came in) that UW-Madison only offered a place to you because someone else didn't want to take it. Purdue offered me a place within days of receiving my application. Wouldn't you want to go to a school where you're so valued too?

My decision has to be made by the end of the week, in order to meet the acceptance deadline. I guess it's time to get crackin' again.

My new home?

Edge of Nineteen

As the dawn of my nineteenth year draws closer, I couldn't help but ponder on the implications this brings for my future. For the next foreseeable few years, this would be the last birthday I'm celebrating in Singapore, and in the company of close family and friends. The finality of the situation seems to be slowly sinking in, with the arrival of so many 'lasts'.

Last year this time, there was also a party thrown to celebrate my 18th. I still vividly remember talking to uncles and aunts about going aboard to study, and the whole US application hoopla. Back then, nothing was decided yet, no application essays were written, no final exams taken, no schools contacted. It was a very stressful period of time, and the thought of not making it to a US college would completely paralyze me with fear. There was much uncertainty with the 'staying in Singapore after canceling PR' plan too. It would be terrible if I had to leave half a year prior to the start of college.

What a difference a year can make. This time round, I'm talking to them about concrete plans and stuff that are happening for real. The party today doubles up as a farewell party for me, and marks a time in my life where the 'grown-ups' are considering me part of them. This is the biggest step of my life yet, and it feels like every bad decision in the past doesn't matter anymore. It's like I have come to this point where I begin afresh in a whole new environment, and start forging a future where I can control.

It's obvious that the road ahead is not going to be roses and rainbows - you'd have to be a certified idiot to think everything'll be fine. But to have that stop you from going for what you truly want, now that's the real idiocy. I've talked to people who are absolutely astounded by my plans of leaving my whole family behind to live alone in a distant land halfway around the globe. But I say, the world is huge and there's so much you haven't seen. Why confine yourself to the limited horizons of one island when there's a world to experience. It may not always be pleasant experiences, but they'll be unforgettable ones.

Obesity Will Sink Your Country

Take a look at the overweight kids running (or rather, panting and whining about how their meaty legs are rubbing against each other too much, creating an exorbitant amount of friction that would soon set their pants on fire) around you, especially if you're in America. These lumps of oil factories will one day grow up to defend your country against the aliens. And trust me, they *will* demand that you take them to see your leader one day, and they won't be asking nicely. Their policy has always been 'stun them with the ray guns first, harvest their sperm second, ask question only if absolutely necessary (like in the case of Lady Gaga, they gotta make sure what it is they're really harvesting)'.

Obesity. Just writing that gives me chills of disgust. It used to be just an eyesore, but obesity in children has apparently become such a serious issue in America that it has become a threat to national security. More than a quarter of youngsters in USA are already too fat to be of any use in a war, and human shields only last for that long. I suppose they can always be utilized as emergency flotation devices, but you know how those human rights activists get. You use oooone little fat bastard as a life-buoy and you'll never hear the end of it. It really is truly amazing, how a country and feed and feed itself to such extreme ends that obesity is becoming an epidemic. It'll soon be a crime to be fat, I swear, and I want to be the first in line to call someone a 'fatlon'. Like, a felon, ya know. Geddit? Good.

"Fatlon!" Just testing to see how it rolls off the tongue. It'll catch on, eventually.

Some say it's an illness. That they can't help it, because food tastes too good to resist. Like as if the rest of us would put cheesecake in our mouths and taste piss? Honey, you know you have a problem when you're starting to sweat chocolate sauce. It's never been an 'illness' in the days when people had to hunt for food, instead of having ready-made calorie bombs wrapped like candy available for a few measly dollars.

"Oh, sorry, Father, I can't run the deer down anymore. My high intake of syrup and cream - you know, those growing on the candy floss tree - has given me this strange illness of obesity."

Wake up and smell the coffee, kids. Laziness is the illness, not obesity. If you got off that fat ass and hit the treadmill once in a while, maybe generals wouldn't have to come out of retirement to plan country-wide interventions.

This has confirmed my long time theory of how MacDonalds is run by terrorist cells to weaken the military force of America. Look at that creepy smile of Ronald Macdonalds and tell me that isn't the face of evil staring right back at you.

USA - The beautiful land where privileges turn into crippling diseases.

For The Last Time - Pokémon DO EXIST!

I'm so tired of repeating myself to those non-believers who invest all their efforts in putting us down. Pokémon (that's right, I took the trouble to put that little accent on e. It's the 'only people who believe in god will write God syndrome'.) are very well alive and living among us, and certain people want to quieten down the ones who stand for the truth and the righteous, to push their own agenda. It's those bigoted religious groups, I tell ya. Mention anything related to evolution to them and they'll hunt you down with a pitchfork and a cross.

I think the real reason they're so against us is cause they're quite simply very jealous of the cooler Pokémon representatives we have. They have a craggy, homeless-looking shepard's son (who could really use a haircut), we have a cute, fuzzy yellow furball called Pikachu. It's really easy to see why they would want to shut us down.

Now I was once a non-believer like you. I say to myself, 'James..', and I answered, 'Yes?'. 'If Pokémon existed, wouldn't there be at least one or two photograhic evidence? Like how when they took a photo of god, everyone saw and realized he does exist?'

I told you god's real.

Well, kids. As it turns out, there really are pictures of Pokémon. Your eyes kid you not. The following very graphic images you are about to see will very certainly change your life forever.

Cubone

Dewgong

Ponyta

Vulpix

Beedrill

and last but not least, our very own ambassador,

Pikachu

See, what did I tell you. I should probably state here that I'm very lucid and very sober, and currently not on any medication or psychedelic drugs. Just in case you're wondering. Now go spread the joyous news to your little friends!