Last Post From Singapore

What is truly appropriate for something as monumental an occasion as this? Should I be thanking my closest friends and treasured acquaintances for everything they have done for me? But my memory's definitely not what it used to be ten years ago, where I could recite the names of every last Pokemon. I'd definitely miss someone out, and be accused of being a thoughtless hound. Should I be reminiscing about everything I'll miss here? Or should I be looking ahead for that thrilling life just within reach.

I've spent my Last Supper with Damian at his place, watching Charmed and having pizza. A very relaxed, homely feel for this closing act of our 4 year performance. To me, it didn't feel any different from the previous dinners and takeouts we've had, as if there would be many more to come, and as if there would always be a 'some other day'. But the truth is, this is really the final dinner we'll share within this 'era'. The next time I come back will be as a full-fledged 'tourist', and my time will always be limited to a month at most. Gone are the days where we seem to have nothing but tomorrows. We literally wouldn't have another 'tomorrow', for tomorrow's the day I finally leave. 

The last song we recorded was a very poignant one: 'For Good', from the Wicked musical. It's about two best friends (two witches, but we'll assume they're talking about bitches, so it'll suit our situation) who are parting, and they're thanking each other for the impact they've had on the other's lives. The verses go something like: 

I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you

It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a hand-print on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend

Yeah well it goes exactly like that, because I copied and pasted it from a website. My point is, it's truly the most appropriate song we could have recorded at this moment, and we both couldn't make it through the whole song without getting emotional and doing the 'sob-crack'. I want to tell myself so much that 'parting' is not forever, but this 'change' really is forever. Sure, I'll come back to Singapore for visits, but it'll never be for good. It'll really won't ever be the same again. 

I guess that's life, isn't it. The moment you get comfortable, it's time for big changes to shake it all up again. We all have to move forwards, it's the whole purpose of being alive, so this is really the best that could have come from this situation. At least we know we're both moving towards higher ground, so it's a positive change if you think about it. It's not as if one of us is being shipped off to North Korea for years of hard labor.

Would I eventually find a group of friends as close knit and as understanding as the ones I have now? Probably so, but I doubt it'll be in the same way. In a manner, I want the people in my life to be unique, irreplaceable individuals, but again, I can't picture a world where people like them are absent in my life. Perhaps what I fear the most isn't that my friends are irreplaceable, but coming to realize that they actually aren't. Would I start growing apart from the people I know now, cause of differences in environments and experiences? I already have grown apart from people I know back in my Sec school, even those that I thought would always be close to me, so what would happen when I make that drastic 15000km move? 

I'll be reliving my Sec school days with Damian in the morning, by taking the usual bus route again, walks around the school, and lunching at BP-plaza. Stories and anecdotes of events I'm sure I've forgotten would resurface again at the sight of all that's familiar. Such a nostalgic and memory-stimulating experience it promises to be. It's going to be an achingly sad, but definitely meaningful last trip. 

Saying goodbye is so much harder than I thought it would be. I've always thought of myself as the kind of person who can just pack up and move on when the time comes, but to my utter surprise, I actually *am* capable of human emotions. I guess the difference is that unlike some peers who allow the pain of leaving stop them from making the actual move, I would swallow it all like a bitter pill, and acknowledge that this is a step that I have to take. 

What would I miss... The wide array of food available here, definitely. (Foreseeing that I'll be forced to cook a lot over in Madison, Damian got me one of Nigella Lawson's cookbooks to guide me.) Perhaps the easily available public transportation too. You would feel the inconvenience of not being able to drive much more over there, whereas it's a complete non-issue in Singapore. I think I'll miss not being among the racial majority too. I've never been the kind of person that regards race or skin color as an issue, probably because I've been brought up among people of the same race as I am, and have been taking racial acceptance for granted. Being among the minority (5.8%, and that's all Asians, Chinese would be even fewer) would sorta screw me up and propel me into some crazy study-holic, I hope. The whole 'If I don't fit in, then at least stand out spectacularly' thing. 

For my life up till now, I probably never did fit in anywhere. In Singapore, my US nationality distances most NS-bound guys (those that are filled with resentment about how I can skip what they can't), and my parents' Chinese descent didn't really fit me in with the typical Singaporean's dialect speaking crowd either. Over in US, obviously I'll stick out like a sore thumb, this time more conspicuously, and I won't get to enjoy the life of anonymity again. Lucky that I'm always starving for attention then. 

This is gonna be the last piece I'll post in Singapore, cause I gotta pack up my MacBook soon and get all my bags ready. Gosh, this is really happening. I've said that to myself so many times, and I don't think it'll really set in till I'm on the plane itself. 

Goodbye, friends. Goodbye, Singapore.