Just how far would I give in to this incessant temptation of add-on luxury? I know my "dorm" experience would be kinda different from most of my peers, the moment I've been practically forced to take up residence at a private dorm. Granted, even if there was space available at the school dorms, I would still insist that my dad get me the singles suite at Lucky, but let's just pretend for argument's sake that I'm the victim here.
Poor James, having to live in a beautiful hotel (lets be honest - try as it may, Lucky would never really be a dorm) and cope with the eternal struggle between good and evil. Good being the simple life, ala Paris and Nicole, evil as in falling prey to the wide range of unnecessary and frivolous add-on goodies.
Sent together with the move-in package, in a pamphlet fittingly adorned with a picture of a cake, complete with that proverbial cherry on top, was a whole list of add-ons you can purchase to make your hostile and unlivable suite a tad more comfortable.
- DirecTV Package. 'Lucky has contracted with the ResTech Services to bring you a custom DirecTV Package that includes all the local stations, Big Ten Network, NFL, HGTV, Comedy Channel, ESPN, HBO, Cinemax, and even more'. My question is, why don't I see Cartoon Network or Nickelodeon? These people obviously need to learn a thing or two about what's appealing to a college student. The funny thing is, a TV is not even provided. Guess I'll have to rely on the wireless transmitter embedded in my skull for now.
- Spic and Span Weekly Housekeeping Service. Professionals clean the bathrooms, vacuum, sweep.. Basically they do everything other than leave chocolate on the pillow. I don't really need professionals to clean for me now, do I. I would frankly be intimidated to see them wearing suits while cleaning my toilet - I'll feel obliged to ask them to take a seat while I clean it for them. Not a seat on the toilet, of course, for that'll make the insides harder to reach. Even with the long stemmed toilet scrubs.
- Anytime Fitness. "Why waste time fighting the crowd to fit in your workout?" I don't know if anyone's tried this, but fighting a crowd is a pretty decent workout. But naturally it depends on the crowd - if it's old people that's too much of a pushover, and you only get to work on your legs if it's a crowd of short children. Pick the right crowd to fight, that's my advice. Tubby people of your height would be best - the meat on them softens the blow, and they can't catch you when you run.
- Lazybones Laundry Service. Now here's a service that really seems to speak to me. I don't mind being called a lazy-bone at all, provided they make my undergarments so clean that you could eat ice-cream off of it. I'm sure you still wouldn't want to, of course, but how about as a napkin?
The layout of the apartment has been sent to me as well, with my assigned room labeled as... (yup you've guessed it!).. 'My Room'.
I'm glad to see they haven't placed my table with my back facing the door. I have some sort of obsessive compulsion to think that people'll try to get me from behind if my back faces open space. Like, grab me and go 'gahhh!' with a dinosaur mask. What? These things happen!
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