Kindle

Now, no one loves the feel and the smell of a pulpy, sturdy new book more than I do. I've always been an advocate for reading actual paper-made books as opposed to reading stuff on the computer, or on one's iPad or iPhone. It never truly felt like a book to me if I can't clutch its physical form to my chest and sob my heart out when the heroine dies in a tragic accident. I love putting my nose to the pages and inhaling the intoxicating, woody scent of deceased trees. I love ruffling through the pages and feeling myself getting drawn into the imaginary world, the world that I held between my fingers. Most of all, I love arranging all my books neatly and obsessively on my shelves, first by genre, then by author, cross referenced with dates of publication, book-sleeve color, number of sex scenes and my general approval rating. You can't just do that with e-books.

With that being said, given my current living circumstances, I can't really afford to physically have that many books with me. I'm moving once a year, and it's just very silly to carry around tons of novels and a big bookshelf. I had always known about the existence of Kindles as portable e-book readers, but had never really gotten to know what it was. A trip around the Amazon website got me really interested - it works based on some spectacular e-ink technology, that projects words on your screen without using a back-lit LCD. As a result, each page looks just like it would on a piece of paper, except super smooth. The idea is that this wouldn't strain your eyes, unlike on a computer or an iPad, and you'd be able to read for hours on end, just like with an actual book.

As usual, when faced with an exorbitant purchase, I did what I always did. I stopped, took a deep breathe, cleared my head, then keyed in my credit card numbers with the speed and mad enthusiasm of a child on Christmas. The transaction was done before I had time to really process what was being done, and then I could sit back and safely blame it on a moment of temporary insanity. My Kindle's on it's way! I had also purchased a classy leather jacket and a gorgeous decorative skin to go with it, because since I'm already spending on it, might as well go all the way and make it fantastically decadent. The lesson here, boys and girls, is to always go all the way.

Here we have a couple of pictures of my Kindle: 

Will you look at that gorgeousness. Yeah the Kindle's pretty too.

With the jacket closed

The first book I bought on it was Tina Fey's 'Bossypants', basically a collection of stories about growing up and getting into improvisation-acting. The idea of going to school for improv seems a little funny to me, seeing how the very idea of improvising is that you're coming up with something on the spot, so how could you go to school to prepare for that? I always figured it was a talent you either possessed or didn't. I also got Betty White's 'Here We Go Again', an incredibly fascinating read by the First Lady of TV. She was basically there when TV was born, and is still going strong after 6 decades in the business. She's the pinnacle of what ever actor and actress aspires for in Hollywood - you have longevity (both in business and health), respect, and a wit so sharp that I very truly believe it inspired the phrase 'she'd cut a bitch'.

I had sprung for the version with 3G connectivity, which means that I'd be able to buy a book anywhere with 3G connection. I thought about what I'd do if I were trapped in a remote wild forest and hence would I would not be able to buy a book, and decided that my priorities at that point would probably lean towards self-grooming, in order to keep myself from turning savage. I absolutely refuse to become one of those people that just let themselves go when they think no one's judging them in the wild. But as long as I remain in civilized lands, I would have no problems if I, for whatever reason, decide that I needed to read Hemingway immediately or I'd asphyxiate from lack of culture.

Amazon's doing a Kindle-Library project, to be released later this year. I would assume that it'll allow Kindle users to download books and read them for a limited period of time, after which it'll either disappear or charge you for keeping it longer than the borrowing period. I can't wait for that, because right now I'm spending around $10 per book, and I'd really like to read for free, seeing how I've already spent so much on the Kindle itself. So hurry up with the Library thingy already!

University Chorus Concert

One of the more enjoyable classes I'm taking this semester is University Chorus, a non-auditioned choir of 60. If you wanna be a part of it, all you have to do is to sign up at the start of semester. Given the non-auditioned nature of the choir, I went in with very law expectations and a very high apprehension. 

'There are gonna be jeremimis (check out his YouTube videos for the most horrifying experience of your life) and delusional freaks here! They're gonna ruin everything for everyone and their squealing will mean that I would never get to live out my Nun-Choir fantasies from Sister Act! Fuck!'  This was a phrase that most certainly did not resonate in my head as I went for my first rehearsal. 

Surprisingly, it was a really solid group. I guess the only people who would really sign up are those who have had some experience, and the bad ones would have figured out by Week 2 or so that they should just quietly sneak out before anyone catches on to their lip-syncing. Now I had never been in a choir before, having been really repulsed by the caliber of the choirs I've witnessed in Singapore. There are not many things that I wouldn't do, but swaying in beat and shamelessly harmonizing about being the 'Teacher's Pet' is definitely one of them. After all, one can only partake in that much faggotry before one's soul gets sucked away by a sparkly Cullen.

The endgame to our three-days-a-week rehearsals was the Mills Theatre Concert on the 25th of April. I realized too late that this seemingly docile 1-credit class was turning out to be a lot more work than I thought. To give you some perspective: my French class meets four times a week, just one time more than UChorus, and that's a four-fucking-credit class. Granted, everyone was already promised an A in UChorus, just as long as you show up to every rehearsal and perform in the concert. 

The dress code for the concert was either full black or white and black, with an optional red-colored  accessory (our school colors are red and white- ironic how I spend my life escaping Singapore and still ends up with a school that celebrates SG's national colors) of your picking. I went with the classic GAP white shirt, Levi's black pants. with a bright red skinny tie from Urban Outfitters. I emphasize on skinny because at this age, one really should not be attempting what I call the 'Daddy's Hand-me-down' ties. Embrace youth! The grandpa-ties only makes one look like a preteen playing dress-up with his uncle Oscar's unfitting clothes. But enough about my impeccable fashion, on with the concert. 

Four months ago, I unknowingly and randomly just sat front and center on the risers. By chance, that area ended up being the basses' area, and I somehow got stuck there permanently. Fast forward to the concert, and boy am I rejoicing/regretting my decision. It feels super good walking in the front row onto the stage, where a theater full of audience members applaud your entrance. There I was, beaming at my adoring crowd and acknowledging that they were all there to see me (I had to pretend not to see some posters with the name ALYSSA on it), when I realized how exposed I was. Theoretically, I know that with the exception of the two people standing beside me, no one else would even know that I made a mistake, if I do make one, but I still felt supremely self conscious. My smile froze in place as my mind raced a mile a minute. 'Did I get the order of the songs right? What was the first note again? (Doooo..) Am I sweating? Look at those smug assholes in the first row, just waiting for me to mess up. Did I zip my pants?' 

The order of the songs we performed:

- In The Beginning & The Heavens are Telling by Joseph Haydn with Orchestra

- When Again All These Rare Perfections Meet by Ross Lee Finney acapella

- Kyrie (Nelson-Messe) by Joseph Haydn with Orchestra

- In The Beginning of Creation by Daniel Pinkham with electronic tape

- Gloria by Antonio Vivaldi with Orchestra

You'd think if there were 60 other people up there with you, you wouldn't be nervous at all, but I still felt the familiar adrenaline vibrations pulsing through my veins. I was sure I could begin hovering in midair in a minute. I look up at Mike, our adorable conductor, and realized for the first time how crucial the role of a conductor was. They may not look like they're very useful when you're part of the audience, but when you're up there, he's the only one who's keeping time and giving you cues. That being said, a very attractive member of the orchestra caught my eye near the start of the concert and I missed half my cues. No biggie, I rather jump in late than be the only voice that started early. 

The pieces with the orchestra were incredibly fun to do, but the real kicker was the Pinkham piece, with the electronic tape. I'm half serious when I say it's outta this world, because it sounds like something rejected from Lady Gaga's home planet for being too outrageously weird. Its like a bunch of strange electronic zips and zangles thrown together by someone clearly tone-deaf, and we have to make odd whispery chants over it. The audience's expressions were priceless, it was more like we were doing it just to see how freaked out they'd get. I threw in a couple of dark, snarling expressions for good measure as we whispered 'and the darkness, over the face of the abysssss' to our very frightened crowd. I'm sure some of them would have screamed if we decided to drop and crawl towards the audience at that point. I won't say that it's a triumphant vocal performance, but it definitely caught grabbed their attention by the balls in case they were drifting off.

As we rounded off the last note of Vivaldi's Gloria and soaked in the thunderous (you weren't there, so just accept that they went bat-shit crazy over us) applause, I said a cast a silent prayer to my good fortune. This is what being in a US college is all about, isn't it? Limitless opportunities, dizzying new experiences and just having a crazy, crazy good time. My love affair with the stage is far from over, we're only just getting started.

Proust Questionaire

What is your idea of perfect happiness?

- Acceptance. I want to be able to live a whole day without once thinking about how I'm appearing to someone else. I know, I know, I exude an intoxicating blend of charm/sophistication/confidence, but on the inside I'm as distrustful of me as everyone else.

What is your greatest fear?

- Poverty. By poverty, I don't just mean like serious Ethiopian-pregnant-belly-boy-with-plastic-bottles-as-shoes type. I've been down to the homeless shelter at the Salvation Army, and I honestly would not even last one day in there. This makes me sound super pampered and sheltered, and perhaps for certain aspects of my life I really am. I don't mean to suggest that there are no problems left in your life if you have money, I'm just saying I'm more able and willing to cope with issues like Ray-Bans versus Oakley, or Armani versus Calvin Klein.

What historical figure do you most identify with?

- Cleopatra. What's that, she's not really a great beauty? Fuck this, I'm changing to Alexander the Great. He's the hot one right?

Which living person do you most admire?

- Betty White. The baddest old bitch on the block will rip you a new one while simultaneously not giving a shit.

Which trait do you most deplore in yourself?

- Complacency. Just once, I'd like to get good grades and actually maintain it for a couple more tests. "I scrapped an A? Uncork the wine, butler-guy!" 

What trait do you deplore most in others?

- Stinginess. I refuse to be friends with anyone who would count money down to the last cent.

What is your greatest extravagance?

- Every aspect of my life. I am literally physically incapable of saving money. A common rule my mother taught me - "The most expensive thing on the menu should be the best. It makes more sense!"

On what occasion do you lie?

- Whenever I speak to my parents. I don't lie to hurt anyone, all I know is that they would not hear a shred of truth from me until I know they are capable of handling it. And parents? Not so good handlers.

What do you dislike most about your appearance?

- My high cheekbones. Because Celine says that a 'pretty face can take you places you don't wanna go.' No seriously though, every time I buy shades, my cheekbones are always touching the sides of the lenses. Or, maybe its cause my nose-bridge is not protruding enough to balance my gorgeous cheekbones. Sigh, it's hard being this pretty.

When and where were you happiest?

- Recording songs with Damian. The most honest and freest connection true friends can make is through music.

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

- To curb that wandering eye. No, I don't have a lazy eye problem, I have an off-the-charts lust issue.

If you could change one thing about your family, what would it be?

- More understanding. That they would learn their children are going to be who they are going to be, and to not feel as if every 'mistake' their children make is due directly to their failure in parenting.

What do you consider your greatest achievement?

- Going away to college and managing my own life. It is literally and figuratively the biggest step I've taken in my life, and I know of lesser beings who would be too afraid to do what I have done, so good job, Jamie-darhls. (Yes, that is what I call myself when I speak to a mirror, usually followed by a 'Hello, gorgeous', depending on the mood and lighting.)

If you died and came back as a person or a thing, what would it be?

- To have any job that comes with a bodyguard, but with no real danger involved. Yes I'm an attention whore, so what draws people attention at a crowded mall better than a huge guy dressed sharply in a suit? People would go nuts trying to figure out if I was some sort of celebrity while I make my bodyguard muscle the way to the front of every queue.

What is your most treasured possession?

- My wit and sanity. Not quite sure if they're meant to coexist, but I do know that I'm nowhere near the DID patients in the videos I used to see in psychology class, so I'm still good for a while. The statistics they use in that class does scare me a little, and a lot of psychotic illnesses manifest themselves in the patient's late 20s or early 30s, so there's still plenty of time for me to completely lose my mind.

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?

- Being the last surviving member of your family. They're still the only people who will always put your life before theirs.

Who are your heroes in real life?

- I look back at all that I've overcome, and inspire myself daily. You think I'm high from smoking my own ego, but I'm really being completely serious. Just take a look at everything that you have done and think about how, once upon a time, you thought you'd be defeated by it. I lived through all that, I can do it again.

What is it that you most dislike?

- Religious nuts. I like my pistachios and almonds completely atheist and roasted, thank you very much. 

How would you like to die?

- On the grassy hills of Switzerland, while the breeze takes away my final breath. I just hope the sheep or whatever god-awful creatures it is that lives on those hills don't nibble or take a shit on my cold dead body.

What is your motto?

- Haters gonna hate. I wish I could truly have a screw-the-haters attitude, but not gonna lie, it sometimes does hurt.

Perpetual Kid

The single most delightful thing about the Internet is its capacity to allow you access to all the junk floating around the internetal-space. Because the internet is made up of all the empty air around us, and information is just.. floating around us, isn't it? I don't know, I'm neither a computer science major nor a loser. What StumbleUpon provides us is a service that basically spoon-feeds us rubbish, instead of us having to painstaking look for it. With a click of the 'Stumble Again!' button, pages upon pages of delicious nonsense pops up for your easy reading pleasure. And like all things bad for you, I am completely addicted to it. Who wouldn't want to stumble upon videos of cats playing the piano, read about the social and economic benefits of marijuana presented in cartoon form, or photos of squirrels suckling on cat tits? That's right, ladies and gentlemen, after thousands of years of civilization, I sincerely believe that we have reached the pinnacle of entertainment.

A truly titillating site I stumbled upon was PerpetualKid.com, an online store that sells quirky and imaginative household items. (If you're getting mistakenly excited about the word 'titillating' because you see 'tit' in it, please look it up on the dictionary. I'm sorry but it has nothing to do with breasts.) They offer the cutest kitchen and living wares, some practical, some not, but all equally delightful to look at. What immediately caught my eye was 'The Ex' knife holder set, a wonderful contraption shaped like a man, that basically holds knives in the deep wounds you put in him. One through the head, one through the leg, one through the crotch - I've never seen anything more adorable. It retails for $70 and comes with all the very study knives, so it was a very good deal to someone who needs knives very frequently, being a domestic-god and all. Now if they only had a photo holder in the head area to slot in a picture of a real ex, it would just be absolutely perfect.

Something else I've always wanted but never had the ability to buy (due to my previous lack of a credit card and geographical issues - living in SG puts such a cramp in online shopping) was the Shark Fin Ice Tray. You put water into an ice tray shaped like shark dorsal fins - and when it's all solid and hard, because that's how making ice tends to work - you just pop it into a drink and sing the Jaws theme as the fins bobble merrily in your drink. Problem with this though; the fins don't really stay as upright as one would like it to, making them look more like sharks with hangovers or serious vertigo. Nothing is less scary than a shark with a limp, crooked dorsal fin. I also realized that just having ice fins was not as fun as I thought it would be, which is why I'm now in the stages of finding little ice people i can put in as screaming-swimmers.

As it's nearing the end of my semester, as well as my lease here at Lucky, I'm not really getting a whole lot of apartment-stuff. I most definitely would for my new place in the fall, as I'll be living alone in my totally all-me apartment. I don't know what possessed me last year to think that I could live with strangers. The blame certainly falls on damn TV shows, for making me believe that everyone's random roommates would turn out to be beautiful, funny and loyal like the Friends, as well as clever and wisecracking like the Golden Girls. Oh, the things I would do when I finally have my own place. I'd do everything completely butt-naked, for one thing. Not that I'm some huge weirdo, but I just like to have the option of lying on my own goddamned couch with everything spilling out and not have anyone judge me, except for that creep across the street watching me with his high powered binoculars, but I would just let him because it makes me feel charitable and giving. Hell, I'd even cook naked. Except for foods that splatter, of course.