Now while I may be known for being pretty open-minded with the 'wrong type' of people I date (the naughtier the better), I draw the line at ex-cons. Thankfully though, I'm not the one who has to make that decision whether or not to go on dating someone who has been all too familiar with the insides of a jail-cell. It would have been kinda romantic if he had been jailed for beating up someone who was harassing his date, or embezzling funds to buy an extra special present for the special someone, or breaking into a lobster restaurant to free all the doomed crustaceans for his PETA member of a lover. In this case, however, we're dealing with his dealings with a particularly promiscuous boy prostitute.
The exact nature of Paul and Vincent's (both fake names, obviously) relationship was very strange to me to begin with. I know the dating world isn't the ole' reliable tradition it was before, with a classic dinner and movie, but somehow, nothing they did suggested that it was anything more than two childish kids (one of them was already nearing 30, mind you) being idiotic. This apparently thrills the both of them, and it seemed that they were having a good time. The borderline illegal nature of the things they were doing did ring alarms in my head, and I had been having misgivings about this secretive new guy Paul was seeing. "What did he have to hide," I kept finding myself asking, every time Paul told me about some new layer of deception Vincent was using on social platforms, even generic ones like FaceBook.
As it turns out, of course, Vincent did have plenty to hide. After a Googling of his name, Paul comes across a startling 2-year-old report about a group of men jailed for having sexual relations with a then 15 year old boy. One of them, surprise surprise, was the guy he had been dating, and claiming to have fallen in love with. I won't go too much into what the exact nature of the crime was, but the basic idea is that the little slut of a boy needed money, and these seven men, on separate occasions, paid him for sexual favors. So now this big revelation was made about Vincent having been in jail for 3 months, and suddenly Paul found his "love", if he can call it that, evaporating just a tad.
It's not that I want to hold someone's past against them, but one's destination is a buildup of the choices he has made in life. To knowingly engage in sexual acts with a minor, and being fully aware of its legal ramifications, simply reflects upon his lack of maturity and morality. It wasn't as if it can be excused as being a stupid thing one did in his youth. He was well into his twenties by then, and is supposed to bear the full consequences of his actions. Sure, he has served three months in jail to supposedly repent for his actions, but this isn't us talking about sending a kid to the timeout corner. When it's over, it isn't simply over. Was Paul really ready for that kind of commitment to that kind of person? I suppose it isn't my place to impose judgment, but given a choice, would anyone sane willingly choose a registered sex offender that you've only known for a few weeks, over someone who's - let us place our expectations a little lower for now - actually law abiding? There are 3 billion men in this world, I'm sure asking for a non-sex offender isn't exactly reaching for the stars.
I'm sure what Paul is facing, and many of us have felt at some point, is a fear of being alone. Unlike many types of 'boo boos', this is one that doesn't fade by waiting it out - if anything, the feelings can intensify over time. It's a paralyzing fear that creeps up to you at your most vulnerable, and its one that can't be kept at bay by simply removing yourself from a situation. Where are you going to run to at night, when you're all alone in a dark bedroom, curled up by yourself in bed? How does one push away those feelings when you're the only one standing alone in a party of pairs? Sure, it's tough, but that certainly isn't the cue to jump into the waiting arms of an ex-con, just because he happens to be there. You've been waiting that long for a good one to come along, why settle now for someone you're clearly embarrassed by?
Now one might say that it's discriminatory of me to feel that Vincent the Sex Offender doesn't deserve to be in a real relationship. But this case is totally different - Vincent wasn't born an ex-con, his decisions made him one. Are we allowed to be discriminatory against people who've made terrible choices? I do think so. It's an issue of his character we're judging, not his race, religion, sexual orientation, chocolate preference.. Who are we going to discriminate against, if not the morally unsound and sexually deviant? The world isn't an anything-goes kind of place - we live with the decisions we make. If he's truly sorry about it, I don't think he would have made that much effort in hiding his real name. If he did like Paul, would he have kept something that huge from him? Secrets don't have a place in any relationship, and Vincent's whole smoke-and-mirrors thing with the fake FaceBook profile is only showing the world how little he's able to accept responsibility.
As one saying goes, dating is about hiding your flaws, relationships are about hiding your disappointments, and marriage is about hiding your sins. Well that's one big ass flaw he was trying to hide. I'll say the quickest, most painless way to resolve this is to terminate it as soon as possible. Let the ex-con find his piece of heaven elsewhere, and let Paul grow up a little and realize he should start learning a new word - standards.
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