Tuesday, February 23, 2010

For Once In My Life...

.. I'm can be completely at ease with collecting my examination results. Nothing makes you more detestable than being liberated from the burden everyone else still carries, but I'm gonna go ahead and put it out there anyways - I can laugh in the face of Cambridge now, because I don't need the grades for university anymore.

So next week, when everyone's on the verge of nervous breakdowns, I can sing a merry tune and skip my way to school. I'll even be flashing my brightest and cheeriest smile, but only at those least likely to turn violent, of course. Boy oh boy, I can hardly wait. The ole 'holding your baby for the first time' nonsense will have to step aside, for 'reveling in the pain of others while you're free as a bird' will soon become known as the greatest joy a human being can ever experience.

Unlike Sue Sylvester, I don't believe emotional outbursts should only be reserved for pain caused by physical exhaustion. Seeing an almost 20 year old boy cry, now *that* redefines sadistic pleasure.

"Aww, don't cry! I actually got even lower than you did. I should be the one crying." I'd say, as I lightly pat his shoulder.

"Really?" Sniff goes the pathetic creature. "How much did you get?"

"Oh, I failed the major stuff. Arn't I a poor dear?" Cue the doe eyed look.

"Oh wow, yours really is bad.."

"Yup, but you wanna know something really funny? I already got into an American college! I'm sure you'll make it *somewhere*. Okay, toodles!"

Those who have pissed me off in the past better watch out. I *will* hunt you down. In your moment of despair and hopelessness, I will swoop in to comfort you and make you open up to me, after which I would tear you apart when you're most vulnerable. Let's see how smart a mouth you have, when your innards are lying strewn across the hall, with vultures and rats already feeding on your soon-to-be-dead body.

Wow. The 'too early to be drinking' warning actually does make sense.

I'm being such a complete saint about this largely due to my track record of having a constant stream of disappointing grades. My parents arn't the 'oh, you tried your best, it's alright' types. It's more common to hear "what do you mean 'not very good?'. This is a TOTAL DISASTER!", with the dragging of the 'total', till it sounds like two separate words. Granted, they're not exaggerating, but hearing such devastating words used to describe your academic career can have detrimental effects to your general psych. Didn't you always hate the kid who never frowned over his grades? Yup, that was never me. Naturally I'm not going to let go of this prime opportunity to finally be the one that didn't have to care.

Nah, it's just cause I like being a bitch.

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