Who doesn't despise a pretentiously elitist 'oh look at me I'm in college and well educated' boy dangling big quotations around as if he understands it, when it's obvious he doesn't and is just trying to make you feel bad too? Yeah, no one wants to be that guy, but I'm stepping up to the plate and claiming that unwanted throne for myself. It's basically the gist of what the quote advocates, that conformity and desperate yearning to fit in is a ridiculous concept. Either that, or little goblins are taking over the world. That's right - back off, nonexistent competitors, for James is ready to be that guy.
I'll admit it, I was terrified of standing out. Who wouldn't like to simply two-step into a new environment and be absorbed instantly into the established cliques. So I started telling myself I can sit through another inanely boring football game, another pointlessly unfunny "approved-by-the-masses" movie, just so I'd be viewed as "one of us". I was so concerned about how I appeared to an outsider. Sure, I had sat there for hours, drinking and laughing along, appearing for all intent and purposes one of the gang. But not for one moment did I really feel like I was where I needed to be. I had forgotten my own mantra, that it is the ikran that chooses you, not the other way around. (I'm sorry, that might have been from Avatar.) Only when you're really comfortable with who you are, will you find company that truly matches your interests. I was so preoccupied with how I was being viewed, that I forgot that all that didn't matter if I wasn't viewing myself favorably.
Obviously, I wasn't sinking into a pit of self-loathing, I'm way too narcissistic for that. What I was doing, however, was censoring and twisting my true self to fit the norm here. Anyone who really knows me would find the very idea of me conforming to be highly amusing, and it's partly embarrassing to admit that I have been trying. But as all deep-rooted personalities go, I'm most comfortable when I'm not just one of the crowd. There's really nothing I like more than to be regarded as very different in a quirky and lovable manner, the way I have been perceived all these past years. Disregard any tags from people claiming I'm a monster, they are all high on THC and cannot be trusted.
I don't fit in - that's always been my thing. I scorn the common passers-by with my small group of equally delightful friends, celebrating differences instead of trying to quash them. I need to find that snarky bitch inside me again, and unleash it onto the unsuspecting Madisonian public. In small doses at first, I'd think. "Is that the fastest you can pack, you dim-wit llama? Oh I apologize, is that very rude of me? Yes by credit card please. I SAID paper bag. Does your bulbous forehead not contain a little piece of brain tissue? Thanks, you have a great day too!"
That might be slightly bipolar, but you get the picture. I don't have to like the messy game of football just because I live among the country's most raucous fans. I don't have to pretend that the only thing I'm celebrating today isn't the return of Glee and not the Superbowl. I am not ashamed to stand up and let it known across the land that the only superbowl I'm interested in is a superbowl of nachos and cheese. I came to America in search of diversity, and perhaps now I'm finally getting used to the idea. It has never felt better to say that I'm not one bit like any of them, and I couldn't be prouder.
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